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  • DATE SMARTER
    • 7 Reasons Your Dating Style Keeps You Single
  • BLOG
  • TRAVEL
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Are You Stuck in A Placeholder Relationship?

7/8/2022

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Everyone thinks they can easily identify a placeholder relationship by whether or not your partner is including you in their future or introducing you to their circles.

But what if you could still be in a placeholder relationship, without ever knowing it AND your partner did all of the right things like including you in their lives and future?

What if after spending years together you finally reached the realization that you were in the relationship with the wrong person?

See, the issue with worrying about being someone else’s placeholder is that you’re focused on worrying about not being good enough for them, instead of focusing on whether or not they are the sort of person you actually want to be with.

That’s what fear does in any relationship. It causes us to focus on the wrong things, so we’ll always end up with the results we don’t want.

In this blog, we’re going to focus on how you can know whether you’re in a placeholder relationship based on your needs and insights versus worrying about whether or not the other person is moving accordingly.

#1 Do you know yourself well enough to be confident and happy single?
Most people skip over this part because we think it’s normal to just get into relationships and figure things out as we go. Unfortunately, more times than not, that’s a pretty damaging strategy that leaves more people jaded and hurting.

If you don’t know yourself and love yourself enough to be a happy, confident, independent single man or woman, then the odds of you succeeding in a relationship are going to be that much more unlikely because the person you’re showing up as isn’t even who you are. 

Whether you intend to or not you’re sending a representative and that’s not the real you. So there’s no way you’re going to connect with the right person if you haven’t already made the right connections within self first.


#2 Do you know your boundaries and speak up for yourself?
A big part of weeding out what’s for you and what’s not is going to be the unique boundaries you set in place that works for you. If you aren’t abiding by your boundaries in your love life that’s a clear sign that you’re positioning yourself to be a placeholder in your love life.

As a placeholder, anything goes.

You’re too afraid to own your voice and speak up when the lines get crossed because you’re again, allowing fear to keep your focus on prioritizing the other person’s needs vs. your own and the boundaries that matter most to you.


#3 Are you allowing your unhealed trauma/insecurities to pick your partners?
Although we don’t get to choose our childhood environments and have little to no control over our childhood experiences as adults it’s our responsibility to heal our childhood wounds that may be causing us to pick toxic partners.

When we carry our childhood trauma around it subconsciously programs us to choose toxic partners who recreate the trauma from our past/childhood.

This is the heart of the matter and why it’s so important for more individuals to do the self-healing work before searching for a romantic partner.

The chances of you picking right are always going to be slim to none when you’re still moving in a place of insecurities and fear that’s causing you to recreate the same toxic environments from your childhood.


There are some of the questions you can ask yourself to learn if you’re subconsciously positioning yourself to play the role of someone else’s placeholder due to things you can control, which is yourself.

I don’t believe in playing the victim and leaving the future of our romantic lives up to chance or in the hands of incompetent lovers.

Take back control of your love life by getting real with who you are and healing your trauma using one of my HIS guides


SHOP THE GUIDES
Looking for affordable, inexpensive therapy? Look no further than starting your HIS lifestyle with one of my $27 guidebooks! There are a great start to uncovering your root issues (the why & how to understanding your behavior).

​If you find yourself unhappy, struggling in relationships, repeating toxic cycles, attracted to narcissistic individuals, the empathetic doormat who everyone depends on but no one is there for you, and so much more these guides will be the start of literally changing your life and/or deepening your self-healing/love journey!

​Here's to your Sexy! 💋

CURE BAD DATING, PEOPLE CHASING & PLEASING, LOW STANDARDS, & PREMATURE CUT OFFS WORKBOOK

$29.00

No more chasing people who don't appreciate you or trying to prove your worth to those who don't qualify. Learn how to have it all and not prematurely cut off your benefits! 


Take the next step in becoming your BEST self so you can start to experience happier, healthier relationships & live a fuller life!


Download digital file. Due to digital nature of this content this purchase is non-refundable. Must download file within 30 days from purchase.
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CURE BREAKUP OBSESSION, TOXIC DATING, & DADDY ISSUES WORKBOOK

$29.00

No more obsessing over anyone who wasn't worthy of your love. Uproot the true source of your obsession to attract the higher quality love life you deserve!


Take the next step in becoming your BEST self so you can start to experience happier, healthier relationships & live a fuller life!


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The Untold Truths of Childhood Trauma

6/27/2022

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According to CDC, more than 60% of adults suffer from childhood trauma they are likely to carry throughout their entire lifetime. Whether they are unaware of the iceberg effects of their underlying trauma or they don’t know where to begin their healing process, unaddressed childhood trauma is usually the culprit that contributes to the (lack of) quality life experiences they may be suffering.

In this article, we are going to cover the ways your childhood trauma may be showing up in your adult life and ruining your happiness.



Truth #1: Unaddressed Childhood Trauma Is Carried With The Survivor, Remaining Usually Through Their Lifetime

This first truth is key because so many people write off or worst, normalize their childhood trauma. They believe that it’s now “a thing of the past” that doesn’t affect their lives now to any significant degree.

But nothing could be further from the truth.

Our brain and body literally encode our childhood experiences for better or worse into our being. This serves as a learning and coping mechanism meant to help you (as a child) know what feels good, bad, safe, or dangerous.  

As a child when your body experiences unsafe circumstances, you started to develop coping strategies in the interest of your survival.

Some examples are if your parents or caregivers were abusive you started to appease them to lessen the harm done. Even if they did something you knew was wrong as you grew older you wouldn’t say or do anything to object because your body and mind knew raising any objections would be “very bad” for you. 

This shows up in your adulthood by you normalizing abusive relationships and “fawning” to appease the offender instead of raising any objections. 

If your parents were emotionally unavailable it’s likely you developed a tendency to please them by proving your worth or by seeking the attention you lacked by misbehaving.

This shows up in your adulthood by you going above and beyond to show others you care or feeling that you have to always give more than the other person so they can understand your worth and stay with you.

More of us need to realize and dive deep to address the icebergs that started forming during our childhoods that we are still carrying to this day.
Your childhood trauma isn’t something that “just happened so long ago” when you were a kid because your brain and body are literally carrying that trauma around inside of you as a defense mechanism.



Truth #2: While It’s Unlikely You’ll Ever Get “Rid” of Your Childhood Trauma, You Can Control Your Triggers Better In Time

The next truth is that your experiences as a child through being an adolescent, during a time where you had little control over what may have happened to you or your environment, will last your lifetime.

The important thing then becomes not just what happened to you, but how are you going to navigate your life in light of it?

You can choose to allow the trauma to rob you of a happy and fulfilling life or you can choose to fight back and not allow the trauma to win.

Our goal isn’t to “get rid” of the trauma because depending on how long you endure the experience or how traumatic any single event was we can’t truly erase our memories or what I like to refer to as the “trauma mapping” our body and mind created.

Our trauma can be wielded as a tool to help us better understand ourselves and become more self-aware of our triggers. It helps us better understand our needs in a relationship in order to feel secure and form healthy connections.
While undertaking this healing process may seem scary at first, if you think about your current state and if you want to continue in that current state for the rest of your life, you may come to see that the perceived risks in starting sooner vs. waiting until later far outweigh any of your fears.
Healing is almost like interest compounding.
The sooner you start the faster it adds up and increases your quality of life!



Truth #3: You Don’t Have to See A Therapist to Start Your Healing Journey, Although One May Be Helpful If You Can Afford One

The final truth we’ll cover is how simple it can be for you to start taking control of your unhealed trauma right now, from the comforts of your home without necessarily inviting others into your privacy.

One of the major hindrances to seeking help is the stigma associated with seeking a therapist or the expenses.
But you can overcome both by using one of the HIS guides available HERE.

Whether you seek a therapist or any other professional you have to realize that it’s on you to accept responsibility for not allowing the coping strategies your body developed to stay your norm. 

You have to do the work for yourself.

Any outside help is only going to be able to provide you with resources and tools, but if you’re not using them it won’t change anything in the end, no matter how much you paid or how consistent you were with keeping your appointments.​

That’s the one thing I nor any other outside resources can’t give you: the self-motivation to say enough is enough and to do the work for your self-healing.
​
​

SHOP THE GUIDES!
Looking for affordable, inexpensive therapy you can start today from the comforts of home? Look no further than starting your HIS lifestyle with one of my $27 guidebooks! There are a great start to uncovering your root issues (the why & how to understanding your behavior).

​If you find yourself unhappy, struggling in relationships, repeating toxic cycles, attracted to narcissistic individuals, the empathetic doormat who everyone depends on but no one is there for you, and so much more these guides will be the start of literally changing your life and/or deepening your self-healing/love journey!

​Here's to your Sexy! 💋

CURE BAD DATING, PEOPLE CHASING & PLEASING, LOW STANDARDS, & PREMATURE CUT OFFS WORKBOOK

$29.00

No more chasing people who don't appreciate you or trying to prove your worth to those who don't qualify. Learn how to have it all and not prematurely cut off your benefits! 


Take the next step in becoming your BEST self so you can start to experience happier, healthier relationships & live a fuller life!


Download digital file. Due to digital nature of this content this purchase is non-refundable. Must download file within 30 days from purchase.
Shop

CURE BREAKUP OBSESSION, TOXIC DATING, & DADDY ISSUES WORKBOOK

$29.00

No more obsessing over anyone who wasn't worthy of your love. Uproot the true source of your obsession to attract the higher quality love life you deserve!


Take the next step in becoming your BEST self so you can start to experience happier, healthier relationships & live a fuller life!


Download digital file. Due to digital nature of this content this purchase is non-refundable. Must download file within 30 days from purchase.
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6 Ways To Be Intimate Without Having Sex

5/18/2022

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Intimacy begins long before the bedroom.

​If your hope is to sustain a more than satisfying sex life here are a few fun ways to keep the spark in the bedroom (or wherever it’s going down) fully charged.

1 Make practicing emotional intimacy the norm.
Your partner will feel more drawn to you and desire to find ways to “return the favor” when you show consideration for how they may be feeling.

Check-in on them randomly throughout the day with “Just thinking about you Beautiful/Handsome.. How is your day going?”

Pay attention to their mood and if they’ve had a long or bad day go out of your way to comfort them. Showing you care is a surefire turn on.


2 Foreplay doesn’t always need to happen right before the clothes come off.
Make foreplay a 24/7 habit by being flirty throughout the day. Sending your lady flowers and love notes doesn’t get old.

Telling your man how sexy you think he is or how you like when he does something that turns you on, never gets old. Small, nice gifts or surprises do wonders.

When it comes to touch, incorporate playfulness whenever you can. Random bear hugs, kisses, or booty grabs are a good recipe to follow.


3 Never stop dating.
I recommend making date night the norm at least once bi-weekly. Intimacy is about sharing yourself and learning your partner on all levels to include emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.

It’s not just about the physical.

There should always be something new to learn about your partner as you both grow. Dating is the opportunity to routinely check in, make sure you didn’t miss anything, and to fall in love all over again as you watch each other evolve.


4 Planning a fun weekend getaway is not only about making a temporary escape.
Just the planning alone with your partner can go a long way to showing up for your relationship.

When you are intentional about the future of the relationship by making plans it’s a turn on because it shows you are invested in building towards the future together with a purpose. How can this weekend be anything but intimate (on all levels) when you have a partner who plans baecations like that?
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5 Be big kids!
Seriously! We are all big kids at heart and letting your inner child out to play is where the fun is at!

You’ll be more playful and flirty, which means more laughing and intimacy. Spontaneous pillow fights? Playing silly games or food fights?

A playful shove or caveman move to throw your woman over your shoulder? Cuddling or making out like high school sweethearts? Yes, please!

Who doesn’t want to feel young, in love again?


6 Find a balance between doing more things together and having time apart.
It’s easy to get lost in the chaos of life or starting a family. You both may have become set in your “roles”.

But it’s important to make time to do things together as just the two of you. It can be dinner, going for a walk or the gym, or riding bikes.

There should be an activity or two that you do as a couple. But just as important is allowing your partner the space to be an individual.

​Allowing each other the space to feel safe doing the things you each enjoy will ensure that you both continue to show up as your best, most authentic selves for the relationship when you are back together in the same space.

​
SAVE MY LOVE LIFE
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7 Mistakes To Avoid When Reconciling Infidelity In Your Marriage

5/18/2022

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You cheated on your spouse and you’re looking to make amends. Here are the top 7 mistakes you want to avoid on your road to saving your marriage.

Mistake #1:
Not taking the time to reflect and better understand the root cause of your decision to cheat.

The decision to cheat on a spouse is usually a *symptom* of a bigger issue, and once you take time to examine the role you played in your decision you’ll realize your spouse wasn’t the real problem.

While your spouse may have aggravated an underlying trigger, you are still going to have to take the time to discover what that trigger was for you and where it originated from.

Only then will you be able to take corrective steps to avoid stepping out on your marriage again as an outlet.


Mistake #2: 
Getting caught up in a reactive cycle. Cheating is usually a reaction to whatever issues you may have been experiencing in your relationship or personally.

When your spouse learned of your cheating, they reacted. You have to avoid reacting to their reaction in order to break the downward spiral cycle.

Instead, you want to be proactive about managing the high levels of emotional tension by *not *reacting. Replace reaction with time spent cooling down before engaging in further dialogue.


Mistake #3:
Either spouse having any sort of expectation that undermines trust. When a spouse cheats it destroys the security of trust in the marriage.

If the spouse who cheated expects their partner to “get over it” because they’re tired of dealing with the repercussions of not being trusted, then that’s an unrealistic expectation to try to manage your spouse’s emotions and the time they need to heal.

If the spouse who has been hurt places the prolonged expectation of their cheating spouse to allow them to track their phone or to monitor them like a child that also erodes building back the sense of trust in the relationship.


Mistake #4:
Thinking it's best to not do anything. You don’t know how to fix the problem or comfort your spouse, so you do nothing.

You figure if you leave well enough alone, they’ll come around in their own time. But giving your partner too much space will result in them feeling further abandoned.

During this phase, it’s important to learn how to provide your partner the security of your presence, even while you may need to keep a physical distance from them.


Mistake #5:
Not seeking help sooner. Too many couples wait until the damage done is well beyond possible repair.

The sooner you and your partner are open to having guided help in understanding and resolving the root issues in your marriage the higher your chances of making a successful recovery.

You’ll want to avoid making the matter worse by adding further insult to injury during this highly sensitive time.


Mistake #6:
Projecting your insecurities onto your partner. You cheated on them. Now you can’t shake the feeling of them following your lead and wanting to get even.

You start to erode the trust further in the marriage by using tricks or gimmicks to test their loyalty or when you try to control how long they are away from home or who they spend time with.

To your partner, it will just show you can’t take what you dish out which usually pushes them further away.


Mistake #7: 
Sharing your business with the wrong people. Often times during emotional spells or when we don’t know what to do, we may seek counsel in our close circles.

But doing so can prove harmful to your marriage both during and after recovery. Unless you’re talking to a relationship expert or a trained professional, you’ll want to avoid playing games with your marriage.

Even once you may be able to repair the harm done you don’t want your close circle to repeatedly bring up the past. Sometimes we can move on, but our loved ones don’t.

You don’t want to further complicate matters when it’s time for family gathers on holiday because everyone knows your business and has an opinion on whether you should still be together.

The road to recovery will be long and with its share of challenges for both of you.

But it has been done before and the good news is all you need to be successful is the two of you working together. 
​
Save My Love Life!
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Top 5 Warning Signs NOT to Ignore In Your Relationship

4/25/2022

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Too many of us get comfortable in the wrong relationship because we continue to ignore the red flags. Here are my top 5 warning signs that your current relationship is very likely the wrong relationship for you.

1  One or both of you haven’t healed from your trauma and don’t know who you really are. The symptoms are the insecurities, constant fights about the same issues, and constantly feeling lost with no purpose in life.

This is the #1 source of all relationship issues. Eventually, both of you are going to have to address any inner trauma to experience your best love life, whether the current relationship is meant to be or not.

2  You overlooked dealbreakers, in the beginning, thinking things would be able to work out. Accepting an undesirable characteristic about someone you let into your intimate spaces doesn’t make you grow to like them more. It’s inviting lifelong stress and resentment into your lifestyle.

3  Every disagreement turns into a full-scale fight or argument. Having a difference of opinion and even a dispute is normal. What’s not normal is when it always results in emotions running high and one or both of you reacting in ways that only further harm the relationship.

A partner who is always looking to place blame is also a close cousin. Every couple should be able to have uncomfortable conversations in a healthy relationship.

4  There is no trust. If there is no trust, throw the whole situationship away. Seriously. If both of you aren’t making real efforts to rebuild any lost trust you are only signing yourself up for miserable company and there is no good justification for staying in a depressing relationship.

5  Only one of you is putting in the work. It takes two. No matter how much weight just one of you carries the relationship will still tank if both partners aren’t on board.

If only one person is growing, eventually they will outgrow the relationship and resent the other partner as a weight holding them down.

​It’s essential that both of you have a vested interest in meeting each other’s needs and making the relationship the best it can be.

Are you struggling in your relationship with your loved one? See how I may be able to help you save your current relationship!
Save My Love Life!
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How To Fall In Love With Your Spouse All Over Again

4/25/2022

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The responsibilities of life have couples questioning how they ever fell in love with their spouse when they never seem to have time to see each other.

It’s easy to get distracted by the kids, career, or other life commitments.

That’s why it’s important to prioritize the needs of your marriage and allow the other factors to fit in where they fall. Here are my suggestions for helping you fall in love with your spouse if you feel the need to rekindle a lost flame.

1  You have to be intentional about being consistent. If you don’t make the time and become intentional about the kind of future your marriage experience will be then there is no hope for you to obtain it.

Set the vision and communicate your desire to be intentionally consistent with the future you both want for the union. At minimum, bi-weekly dates should be the norm. No excuses!

2  Put in the effort. Don’t always let what’s convenient work for your marriage. Conivence is nice, but it’s also lazy and lacks conveying much thought or consideration for the love of your union.

Go the extra mile at least twice a month to keep the passion alive in your relationship. Avoid complacency and getting comfortable to the point you’re taking the blessings you have for granted or as expected.

3  Keep it fun and sexy. Get creative. You want your partner to be hot and ready for you in the bedroom 4 nights a week? How are you going to set the atmosphere to cultivate that? You want your partner to spend more quality time or help out around the house with acts of service?

How can you incorporate fun, team-building synergy instead of nagging or complaining about what’s wrong all the time?

4  Get away from it all. Sometimes you just need a break to step away from the routine of everyday life so you can get a bird’s eye view and re-evaluate if your marriage is even heading in the right direction.

What are the areas that either of you is not happy in or feel needs improvement? How can your team work together to inspire more of the things you do want? Use the time away to enjoy each other, reconnect, and come back stronger!

Are you struggling in your relationship with your loved one? See how I may be able to help you save your current relationship!
Save My Love Life!
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How To Tell Your Spouse You’re Not Happy In Your Marriage

4/24/2022

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The last thing you may ever want to do is to tell your spouse a hard truth that may cause them pain. Whether it’s bringing up hurtful memories from the past or bringing the truth to light for the first time, there’s no easy way to get around it.

Here are my recommended tips for breaking the tough news.

First, get it together. When you express your true thoughts you don’t want to be all over the place or fire off shots like a loose cannon.

Really think about how you feel and be able to articulate to your partner the source; your why for feeling this way. This will pinpoint the root issue to allow you to focus on creating solutions later on.
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Next, get your partner’s buy-in. Don’t just spring something this heavy on them out of the blue or when they may not be in the mental capacity to absorb it.

Check-in and ask them for a good time for you both to have a heavy discussion. Share there have been some things on your mind that you’d like to share with them and to have their help in working through.

After you have their buy-in and a set time to talk, start on a positive note. Reaffirm your love for them and the relationship. Reaffirm your desire to make things work and how much you appreciate having their presence in your life.

Then you can transition by saying something like, “I would like to share my honest thoughts and feelings about something that’s been bothering me for a while because I would like to work through it…”

If your spouse starts interrupting you or getting worked up before you have a chance to convey your message, stop. Do not continue to engage because they have a filter up and the odds of your message being delivered effectively are low.

Simply say “I don’t think right now seems to be a good time to have this discussion if we aren’t going to be able to do so without it becoming an argument. I don’t want to fight. I want to be able to express something I’d like to change and for it to get better.”

Encourage your partner to seek intervention with a neutral third party who you can both trust to remain impartial and give fair feedback.

Being able to live your whole truth is essential to your happiness and the sense of security you both feel in your relationship.

It can prove harder to reconcile any differences the longer you hide your true feelings because the length of time you keep your true thoughts a secret will be calculated in the mind of your partner.

Their mind will naturally think “Well if you could keep this from me for so long, pretending to be good all this time then what else might you be hiding from me?”

Too often we make the mistake of thinking that events in our marriages have an expiration date for when one or both individuals should be able to “just get over it already”.

For example, in the event of infidelity in the marriage if the couple decides to work through it the partner guilty of stepping out on the union will repeatedly experience reactive episodes from the one who was cheated on.

Eventually, the guilty party will feel like “enough is enough” and how much longer am I supposed to endure this treatment or resentment?

And that’s a hard thing for both individuals involved in the relationship because it’s not like the one who has been hurt takes pleasure being reminded every day that they were cheated on and are trying to not see that hurt when they look at their partner.

We don’t get to set an expiration date on our feelings, much less our partner’s.

Are you struggling in your relationship with your loved one? See how I may be able to help you save your current relationship!
Save My Love Life!
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What To Do After Your Partner Cheats

4/22/2022

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Learning your partner cheated on you is traumatic for both men and women.

Even though it has mostly nothing to do with you, it’s enough to cause major insecurity issues leaving you scarred possibly for life.

Here are more productive steps you can take once you’ve learned that your partner has been messing around with other people.


1 The news may catch you off guard and depending on your level of self-awareness and healing you may have a tendency to react in the heat of the moment. This is human, but it can only make matters worse if you behave in a manner where things get physically abusive or involves law enforcement. If possible, try to avoid reacting in an extreme manner.

You can better control your emotional reactions best by proactively making the time to heal any root trauma or insecurities that has you out of tune with who you are. Once you’re in tune with who you are you will find it easier to separate your cheating partner’s actions as having less to do with you and more to do with the type of decisions they made.


2 This next step varies for everyone, but after you may decide you need space away to process or you may decide to just end the relationship right then and there. If cheating is a deal-breaker for you, then that’s your call to make.

If you would rather process the information first then having some physical distance between the two of you will be good to allow you both time to process what’s happening and the desired future state of your relationship.


3 It may be best to go ahead and get a third party involved so that during the early stages of communication you can minimize miscommunication and keep high levels of emotional tension in check.

Such interactions rarely remain calm or productive in the earlier stages, which happens to be the most important timeframe for action to occur because that is when the matter is still highly sensitive.

The success or failure rate of the relationship can be determined by how matters unfold in the earlier stages.

If you decided to have the first few initial talks without a third neutral party I strongly encourage that you involve a trusted neutral party at this time. The road to recovery will be long and filled with many ups and downs.

To avoid the two of you going down a darker hole it’s best to have someone who can help keep you both on track to rebuilding the trust and helping you both deal with the real underlying issues in your relationship.

Remember, this is a process. If you decide to stick it out and work through the infidelity you will both have your good and bad days still. Do not feel pressured or rushed to “get over” the pain you are experiencing. Time and consistent proactive action will help you restore your relationship and come back stronger than before.

Are you struggling in your relationship with your loved one? See how I may be able to help you save your current relationship.
Save My Love Life!
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5 Things To Consider When You're Thinking About Getting Married

4/21/2022

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Most of us were ill-prepared for our first marriage and that may have also led to the beginning of the end.

Let’s talk about what’s really important to consider before either of you invests in tying the knot on the big day!


#1 How well have you and your partner weathered the storms? This is one of the reasons time is important because inevitably conflict will arise in your relationship.

Rather than partnering with someone where the majority of your disagreements end poorly, it’s better to avoid this ride on the struggle love bus altogether.

​Be honest about this one. If you and your partner believe your relationship is still worth it, then it’s time to see a trustworthy neutral party (i.e. therapist or counselor) who can help you both improve your communications.


#2 Are you both comfortable being vulnerable with each other? If either of you is still holding onto secrets it’s a sure sign that you haven’t been your true self in the relationship. Don’t make the mistake of thinking hiding parts of yourself won’t come back to bite you!

When we’re talking marriage commitment you definitely don’t want to learn about any major secrets your partner kept from you after the fact, and nor should you jeopardize putting your love in that position either.


#3 Are you compatible when it comes to meeting each other’s needs and just in general? This means you do more than just get along and keep things friendly. It means you’ve both come to the conclusion that you’re right for one another. They get you and vice versa. On your good days and at your worst.

It won’t always feel like heaven, but it’ll be a match made in one!


#4 Have you had all the hard talks necessary to make this decision? Are you compatible or in alignment when it comes to your family values, raising kids, putting each other first before in-laws or other family members, how to manage finances and debt, frequency and boundaries in sex?

Have you both honestly shared any insecurities you may have about your significant other around the opposite sex and what are the visible signs of progress being made to not manipulate or control each other?

​If you haven’t gotten this real with your significant other it’s going to come up at some point in the union. Better to have this information before legalizing the marriage and going through a messy, bitter divorce.


#5 Are you truly happy and free to be yourself? Does this relationship add more to your enjoyment of life or does it steal your happiness? Is it draining you and you’re just signing up for the marriage because it’s what you’ve “earned” for enduring so many years of staying stuck miserable?

​Marriage today shouldn’t be viewed as a transaction to “get even” or as a reward. It should 100% be motived by both individuals’’ pursuit of happiness and in building on that sense of happiness together.

Are you struggling in your relationship with your loved one? See how I may be able to help you save your current relationship!
Save My Love Life!
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What To Do If Your Spouse Is A Narcissist

4/19/2022

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Get out. Seriously. A narcissist will rarely be able to accept the fact that they are one and even then that’s not enough to change the behavior and stop them from keeping you miserable.

You can try to see if they may be interested in seeking help for their behavior, but again, most times they are not.

Here are signs you may be married to a narcissist.

- Every disagreement turns into an argument (or you have to shut down your voice and walk on eggshells to avoid a blowout). They always gaslight you (make you feel crazy for legitimately feeling the way you feel) and that everything is your fault. They don’t know how to accept responsibility for their part in anything so they deflect to you.

- They always make everything about themselves. How good of a person they are. How much of a bigger person they were for doing or not doing something. They are always painting themselves as the hero often at your expense.

- They don’t know how to control their anger. This is displayed in an outburst that may turn physical (punching a wall or table, hitting you). Afterward, they offer insincere apologies without any change in behavior. The cycle repeats.

- They are entitled so they lack (respecting your) boundaries. They treat you as if they are entitled to you being or doing things from them. A major warning sign is if they force a kiss on one of your first dates. This may seem “cute” in the moment, but it’s really a covet entitlement that will result in future outbursts of rage if you fail to comply.

- They need to control. They do this through manipulation. If you do or say anything they don’t like they will try to control how you behave through a number of means. Guilt-tripping, playing on your jealousy or insecurities. Physical and emotional abuse. Nothing is off-limits. If they aren’t in control of you then to them you are a threat to their happiness because you’re not programmed to behave the way they want.

- They don’t make any real effort to understand or care about your thoughts or feelings. They can’t empathize with you nor do they show any interest in doing so.

- They are constantly insecure, anxious, or in fear of something. They’ll cry crocodile tears if you hint at leaving them for their toxic habits and swear to change their ways. It may last for a few weeks, months even but before long you find yourself right back at square one.
 
There is no one size fits all, but if you’ve been experiencing any of these signs in your marriage to the point of it taking a toll on your mental, emotional, even spiritual, and physical well-being AND your voiced concerns have been met with resistance or sheer denial you should consider leaving.

Unless being in a miserable relationship the rest of your life is okay with you.

Get out.
​
If you feel unsafe leaving any relationship, please search for local organizations that can help you safely get away from the situation. Especially if you’ve been isolated away from loved ones who care about you.

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    Mel Williams is the creator of Healing Is Sexy (HIS) lifestyle., showing you how focusing on SELF can change your life & romance for the BEST! She's been working with singles & couples since 2017.

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