Most of us were ill-prepared for our first marriage and that may have also led to the beginning of the end.
Let’s talk about what’s really important to consider before either of you invests in tying the knot on the big day!
#1 How well have you and your partner weathered the storms? This is one of the reasons time is important because inevitably conflict will arise in your relationship.
Rather than partnering with someone where the majority of your disagreements end poorly, it’s better to avoid this ride on the struggle love bus altogether.
Be honest about this one. If you and your partner believe your relationship is still worth it, then it’s time to see a trustworthy neutral party (i.e. therapist or counselor) who can help you both improve your communications.
#2 Are you both comfortable being vulnerable with each other? If either of you is still holding onto secrets it’s a sure sign that you haven’t been your true self in the relationship. Don’t make the mistake of thinking hiding parts of yourself won’t come back to bite you!
When we’re talking marriage commitment you definitely don’t want to learn about any major secrets your partner kept from you after the fact, and nor should you jeopardize putting your love in that position either.
#3 Are you compatible when it comes to meeting each other’s needs and just in general? This means you do more than just get along and keep things friendly. It means you’ve both come to the conclusion that you’re right for one another. They get you and vice versa. On your good days and at your worst.
It won’t always feel like heaven, but it’ll be a match made in one!
#4 Have you had all the hard talks necessary to make this decision? Are you compatible or in alignment when it comes to your family values, raising kids, putting each other first before in-laws or other family members, how to manage finances and debt, frequency and boundaries in sex?
Have you both honestly shared any insecurities you may have about your significant other around the opposite sex and what are the visible signs of progress being made to not manipulate or control each other?
If you haven’t gotten this real with your significant other it’s going to come up at some point in the union. Better to have this information before legalizing the marriage and going through a messy, bitter divorce.
#5 Are you truly happy and free to be yourself? Does this relationship add more to your enjoyment of life or does it steal your happiness? Is it draining you and you’re just signing up for the marriage because it’s what you’ve “earned” for enduring so many years of staying stuck miserable?
Marriage today shouldn’t be viewed as a transaction to “get even” or as a reward. It should 100% be motived by both individuals’’ pursuit of happiness and in building on that sense of happiness together.
Are you struggling in your relationship with your loved one? See how I may be able to help you save your current relationship!