|
Here are the top 3 things you can expect if you’re considering becoming a client and hiring a matchmaker.
Register for A Lady's Man Academy (ALMA): https://www.healingissexylife.com/store/p34/aladysmanacademy.html Register for Decoding Men 101 Bootcamp: https://www.healingissexylife.com/store/p20/decodingmenbootcamp.html Visit HIS Lifestyle Blog (free game): https://www.healingissexylife.com/lifestyle.html HIS Weekly Newsletter (also free game): https://www.healingissexylife.com/subscribe.html
0 Comments
PART I. I knew this would be too good to wrap up in one live so stay tuned for part II. Thanks again @larrygriffie for sharing from your perspective. Love the gems you dropped. We covered: - What do Black men need Black women to understand - What are the biggest struggles Black men face? - What unique challenges are there dating Black women? - Are Black men operating from mostly a survival mentality? And why? Tune in 🖤 PART II PART II. Survival mode, discrimination, masculine/feminine energies, trauma. These are all topics we cover to wrap up part 2. Thank you again @larrygriffie for taking the time out to have this conversation 🖤
 According to CDC, more than 60% of adults suffer from childhood trauma they are likely to carry throughout their entire lifetime. Whether they are unaware of the iceberg effects of their underlying trauma or they don’t know where to begin their healing process, unaddressed childhood trauma is usually the culprit that contributes to the (lack of) quality life experiences they may be suffering. In this article, we are going to cover the ways your childhood trauma may be showing up in your adult life and ruining your happiness. Truth #1: Unaddressed Childhood Trauma Is Carried With The Survivor, Remaining Usually Through Their Lifetime This first truth is key because so many people write off or worst, normalize their childhood trauma. They believe that it’s now “a thing of the past” that doesn’t affect their lives now to any significant degree. But nothing could be further from the truth. Our brain and body literally encode our childhood experiences for better or worse into our being. This serves as a learning and coping mechanism meant to help you (as a child) know what feels good, bad, safe, or dangerous. As a child when your body experiences unsafe circumstances, you started to develop coping strategies in the interest of your survival. Some examples are if your parents or caregivers were abusive you started to appease them to lessen the harm done. Even if they did something you knew was wrong as you grew older you wouldn’t say or do anything to object because your body and mind knew raising any objections would be “very bad” for you. This shows up in your adulthood by you normalizing abusive relationships and “fawning” to appease the offender instead of raising any objections. If your parents were emotionally unavailable it’s likely you developed a tendency to please them by proving your worth or by seeking the attention you lacked by misbehaving. This shows up in your adulthood by you going above and beyond to show others you care or feeling that you have to always give more than the other person so they can understand your worth and stay with you. More of us need to realize and dive deep to address the icebergs that started forming during our childhoods that we are still carrying to this day. Your childhood trauma isn’t something that “just happened so long ago” when you were a kid because your brain and body are literally carrying that trauma around inside of you as a defense mechanism. Truth #2: While It’s Unlikely You’ll Ever Get “Rid” of Your Childhood Trauma, You Can Control Your Triggers Better In Time The next truth is that your experiences as a child through being an adolescent, during a time where you had little control over what may have happened to you or your environment, will last your lifetime. The important thing then becomes not just what happened to you, but how are you going to navigate your life in light of it? You can choose to allow the trauma to rob you of a happy and fulfilling life or you can choose to fight back and not allow the trauma to win. Our goal isn’t to “get rid” of the trauma because depending on how long you endure the experience or how traumatic any single event was we can’t truly erase our memories or what I like to refer to as the “trauma mapping” our body and mind created. Our trauma can be wielded as a tool to help us better understand ourselves and become more self-aware of our triggers. It helps us better understand our needs in a relationship in order to feel secure and form healthy connections. While undertaking this healing process may seem scary at first, if you think about your current state and if you want to continue in that current state for the rest of your life, you may come to see that the perceived risks in starting sooner vs. waiting until later far outweigh any of your fears. Healing is almost like interest compounding. The sooner you start the faster it adds up and increases your quality of life! Truth #3: You Don’t Have to See A Therapist to Start Your Healing Journey, Although One May Be Helpful If You Can Afford One The final truth we’ll cover is how simple it can be for you to start taking control of your unhealed trauma right now, from the comforts of your home without necessarily inviting others into your privacy. One of the major hindrances to seeking help is the stigma associated with seeking a therapist or the expenses. But you can overcome both by using one of the HIS guides available HERE. Whether you seek a therapist or any other professional you have to realize that it’s on you to accept responsibility for not allowing the coping strategies your body developed to stay your norm. You have to do the work for yourself. Any outside help is only going to be able to provide you with resources and tools, but if you’re not using them it won’t change anything in the end, no matter how much you paid or how consistent you were with keeping your appointments. That’s the one thing I nor any other outside resources can’t give you: the self-motivation to say enough is enough and to do the work for your self-healing. SHOP THE GUIDES! Looking for affordable, inexpensive therapy you can start today from the comforts of home? Look no further than starting your HIS lifestyle with one of my $27 guidebooks! There are a great start to uncovering your root issues (the why & how to understanding your behavior). If you find yourself unhappy, struggling in relationships, repeating toxic cycles, attracted to narcissistic individuals, the empathetic doormat who everyone depends on but no one is there for you, and so much more these guides will be the start of literally changing your life and/or deepening your self-healing/love journey! Here's to your Sexy! 💋 CURE BAD DATING, PEOPLE CHASING & PLEASING, LOW STANDARDS, & PREMATURE CUT OFFS WORKBOOK
$29.00
No more chasing people who don't appreciate you or trying to prove your worth to those who don't qualify. Learn how to have it all and not prematurely cut off your benefits! Take the next step in becoming your BEST self so you can start to experience happier, healthier relationships & live a fuller life! Download digital file. Due to digital nature of this content this purchase is non-refundable. Must download file within 30 days from purchase. CURE BREAKUP OBSESSION, TOXIC DATING, & DADDY ISSUES WORKBOOK
$29.00
No more obsessing over anyone who wasn't worthy of your love. Uproot the true source of your obsession to attract the higher quality love life you deserve! Take the next step in becoming your BEST self so you can start to experience happier, healthier relationships & live a fuller life! Download digital file. Due to digital nature of this content this purchase is non-refundable. Must download file within 30 days from purchase.  Daddy issues is a term that’s been largely associated with the issues an adult woman has interacting with men due to the lack of her primary caregiver, her father, modeling what a secure connection with men looks like. Let’s review some of the major warning signs that you may be suffering from daddy issues before we discuss what you can do to resolve them. 6 Major Warning Signs You Have Daddy Issues A major misconception is that if your father was consistently present at home then you shouldn’t ever have to worry about experiencing daddy issues. You may even be able to say he was a good enough dad who brought you presents, and you have several good memories together. But this isn’t true. Your father may have been physically present but abusive or emotionally unavailable. If your dad wasn’t intentional about providing you a well-rounded system of nurture and support you likely have underlying daddy to some extent. Without him serving as a good role model you will normalize red flags, make excuses for toxic partners, and give too many chances to the wrong people. Here’s how it’s going to show up in your adult relationships. 1 You’ll constantly find yourself attracted to emotionally unavailable men (the good stable men are boring) These men tend to be narcissistic as well, meaning they are incapable of relaying to others on an emotional level. This has become a familiar pattern for you because it represents the relationship you had with your father growing up. You were conditioned to not be so vulnerable with your emotions with your father for a number of reasons. Maybe you learned he was too busy to make time for you so you learned to handle matters yourself or he never really asked you how you felt or how was school. Maybe he wasn’t around enough. This shows up in the interactions you tend to have with men. You normalize not hearing from men you desire to have a connection with for long periods. You fear “bothering” them too much to the point where they may find you annoying and abandon you for being too clingy. Because you don’t feel you can rely on them much you also tend to keep most of your deeper feelings and thoughts to yourself. The few times you share something deep with them you may have been disappointed when their response was short or surface level. Again, you probably glossed over it because they’re “busy” and didn’t have time to go on a deeper level with you. The good men may not interest you because the stability they provide isn’t as attractive as the inner chaos you’ve been conditioned to normalize by your absently present father. Another thing, not only are the men you’re attracted to emotionally unavailable, but you may find yourself struggling in this area as well. You may avoid allowing yourself to feel or express emotions such as fear, anger, or sadness and only want others to see your happy and strong side. You fear showing signs of weakness and vulnerability, especially in your relationships. This may be why you convince yourself you’re okay with just having lots of sex instead of seeking an emotional connection with men. 2 You feel you have to prove yourself The few times your dad wasn’t busy with work and managed to show up at your games or school play, you felt the pressure to do your best to impress him. You finally had his attention and could show him how good you were at something to win his approval and admiration. This shows up in your love life when you approach with the mentality of showing men how good of a girlfriend of how much quality “wife material” you can be to become an asset in his life. That ex who broke his heart? I’ll be 100xs better so he forgets her. I’ll prove I’m the better woman to be with him and he’ll notice that I was the only right one for him all along. You go above and beyond to make things happen for the relationship and require little to no effort from him. You make excuses for why he isn’t as invested in the relationship. He’s too busy or tired from work to remember to call or get back to you. Months can go by without a legit date because he never finds the time. All of this is acceptable to you as an ideal relationship because your connection to your father has normalized this for you. You find yourself being the primary giver in the relationship: free nice gifts, dinner/cooking, trying sexual favors you may not necessarily be comfortable with, always being more supportive of his goals and dreams and even funding it. If you find yourself constantly giving more in a relationship and not requiring much in return, you are subconsciously trying to prove your worth to the other person in exchange for their attention and admiration. You’re downplaying your own needs while sacrificing more than your fair share. The flip side of this is that you also tend to make the hurtful things others do about you. If someone does or says something hurtful like ignoring you or saying you’re too needy or emotional, you internalize that as a challenge to do better or as a dig that you’re the one with an issue. You accept fault and may even apologize for the poor behavior displayed by others to appease them. This is a form of people-pleasing to get along and stay in their circle. Becoming easily attached too early and holding onto your dream of the “perfect fairytale” even when it’s clear the other person isn’t prepared to be in an emotionally healthy relationship are also signs you are trying to prove yourself to keep them. 3 You always have “bad luck” with men The reason you’re having bad luck on the dating scene is because you don’t know how to relate to men. Men think and operate differently and if you had a healthy example of this modeled for you during your childhood, navigating these dating streets would be easier. For one, your father-figure would have warned you about the wrong type of men and been super protective of you once you started dating. He would have made sure any young man taking you out knew to treat you respectfully and to always remain a gentleman otherwise he’d have him and the other men in your family to deal with. Your string of “bad luck” comes from not having any guidance or boundaries with men. Men will either take advantage of this or your daddy issues will cause you to overextend yourself as we just covered in the previous sign. To remedy this, you should seek to better understand men by signing up for my Decoding Men 101 Bootcamp. 4 You seek validation from men This is one surefire way to put your daddy issues on display for the world to see. Women who fall into this category tend to do almost anything for the approval of men because they still secretly pine for the approval of the father they never had growing up. This includes dressing proactively to get the attention of men. It doesn’t matter whether the attention is good or bad. Attention is attention and you get a high from it. If men aren’t ogling your body or seeking to get with you (even if just for a fling) you feel depressed and unseen. Your sense of self-esteem and worth is tied to the amount of attention you get from the number of men who like, comment, or give you any form of attention. You will often confuse sex for love and believe that getting a man to have sex with you means he’s in love with you. You use sex as a means to try to “hook” men and keep them interested in you. You tend to compare yourself to other women, especially a man’s exes and you need him to validate to you that “you’re better” than his past exes in every way. You need this type of validation constantly. You tend to idolize men and this only makes the pain you experience that much more hurtful when they disappoint you with their shortcomings. 5 You subconsciously don’t trust men on more levels than one (Superwoman/Mommy syndrome) You don’t feel men are dependable because your father never modeled that. You basically have to put on your superwoman cape and do everything otherwise it won’t get done. If you don’t call or text, you’d never hear from him. If you don’t suggest or plan the date, it never happens. If you don’t get something done or call to remind him same thing. You become his mother and treat him like a child, effectively not requiring him to “man up” because you’re already doing everything. You don’t trust him to move smart enough or to speak up for himself, so you become overprotective and do it for him, whether or not he asked you to get involved. This also reflects when you display jealousy or insecurities about him interacting with other women. If you’re not helicoptering or monitoring his every move you don’t trust him to be faithful to you. You have a constant “need” to know his every move otherwise you don’t feel you can truly trust him. This behavior may have been learned from your parents’ relationship if your dad cheated on your mother and it will no doubt sabotage every relationship you enter leaving you with what you fear most: abandonment. Relationships are based on trust and without it, it’s only a matter of time before the end. Because of your lack of trust, you may also tend to push men away or break up with them before they can break up with you, effectively never giving the relationship a chance to grow. This can also show up as a lack of boundaries on your part if you find it hard to say “no”. Instead of admitting your limits, you put on your cape to keep making things happen for someone who won’t learn how to appreciate you. Being superwomen and mommy means you are attracted to men who “need” you to fill that role so you feel needed and irreplaceable. But this just means you normalize love as being taken for granted and draining. You have yet to experience a consistent source of good love, so you settle on the toxicity believing a good, honest man is a rare find. 6 You’re constantly afraid of being abandoned or ignored He never gets back or hardly takes an initiative? When either of you gets upset and you’re not talking to each other so hours or maybe even weeks go by with no call? You either numb yourself and shrug it off saying “No big deal. I’mma keep it moving” and ignore the fact you had legit feelings to deal with and process. Or you blow up his phone, stalk his social media, and ask his friends where he’s at if you aren’t already physically stalking his house. All of this behavior comes from a place of fear of abandonment. You quickly move from one bad relationship to another, without allowing any time in between for you to process and heal from the last one. You often stay in toxic relationships longer than you know you should because you feel that having someone toxic and familiar is better than having no one at all and being alone. Can Men Have Daddy Issues? Absolutely. Women seem to get called out for it more because it’s more obvious when a woman clashes with a man in a relationship or marriage. But for men, who tend to be less vocal, we sometimes need to peel back the layers a little more to learn how the type of connection or example his father set has impacted how he has embraced manhood. It is not uncommon for a man who never knew his father during childhood but is able to meet with him later in life expressing surprise once he learns he followed closely in his father’s footsteps, in both good and bad ways. More men have to learn to express themselves emotionally so their sons and daughters can grow up with healthy models of forming secure attachments. Men exhibit their daddy issues by not feeling secure in their masculinity from having a poor or toxic role model. This is often displayed in an aggressive outburst of uncontrolled rage or other harmful manners where they seek to establish dominance in violent ways as a means to overcompensate for this insecurity. Men also experience the same signs as women, but again it may not be as obvious at first because they tend to be less vocal about their emotions. How To Heal Daddy Issues Daddy issues is another term used to describe attachment issues, more specifically an anxious attachment style. Anxious attachment means that you constantly fear being alone or abandoned. Regardless of whether you had a traumatic childhood or not, your brain codes your experiences as “normal” so you tend to seek and find attraction to even the toxic patterns of potential partners. Believe it or not, this is your brain’s way of trying to “fix” the broken relationship with your father through other men and giving you the love you missed out on as a child. To begin your healing process it’s important to first acknowledge the patterns of the signs so you are aware of your triggers and what to avoid doing. You will have to work on healing from your trauma to build up your emotional confidence and security in knowing that you alone are enough, without the need to be in a relationship and seek validation from others. Don’t allow yourself to get consumed by your past. You can only change the direction of your future using the present moment. Use the HIS guide I have in my store on healing daddy issues to get started. It is self-healing therapy in an easy to read and process guide that won’t break the bank. I will walk you step by step on how to start your healing process. You may also wish to consult a therapist after you’ve properly screened them to ensure they are the right fit for you and your unique needs. At the end of the day, each of us as individuals has to be willing to recognize something isn’t right in our relationships and do the work to stop re-traumatizing ourselves by allowing our childhood conditioning to guide us. Growing up without a good source of love from your biological parents will always be a hurtful process to overcome. The significance of our relationship with our fathers can’t be overstated when it comes to how it influences our behavior in adulthood. But the cycle can be broken and replaced with a better one for yourself and future generations. We can’t allow our pasts to continue to define our future, so if you’re noticed a pattern from your past relationships it’s time to take a hard look in the mirror. You may have normalized your experiences because it’s all you’ve ever known, but that’s why platforms like this are here to help give you a wake-up check so that you can stop limiting yourself and get the help you need to experience a happier, fuller life. Here’s to your Sexy! 💋 CURE BAD DATING, PEOPLE CHASING & PLEASING, LOW STANDARDS, & PREMATURE CUT OFFS WORKBOOK
$29.00
No more chasing people who don't appreciate you or trying to prove your worth to those who don't qualify. Learn how to have it all and not prematurely cut off your benefits! Take the next step in becoming your BEST self so you can start to experience happier, healthier relationships & live a fuller life! Download digital file. Due to digital nature of this content this purchase is non-refundable. Must download file within 30 days from purchase. CURE BREAKUP OBSESSION, TOXIC DATING, & DADDY ISSUES WORKBOOK
$29.00
No more obsessing over anyone who wasn't worthy of your love. Uproot the true source of your obsession to attract the higher quality love life you deserve! Take the next step in becoming your BEST self so you can start to experience happier, healthier relationships & live a fuller life! Download digital file. Due to digital nature of this content this purchase is non-refundable. Must download file within 30 days from purchase. 
Most men struggle with talking to women or knowing how to deal with emotional stress well.
This leaves them prone to the influence of bad dating advice from other men and shutting down, rather than communicating to you. When a guy you’re dating pulls away, I suggest you reach out to him. First, make sure he’s okay. If you learn nothing is amiss or hear crickets, get real about understanding the situation while speaking up for yourself respectfully. Only do it once and be prepared to leave it alone afterwards. Be thankful you've learned he's not one to rely on sooner vs. later. Whether he has the decency to own his actions or not the experience will be a deposit towards your self-esteem when you hold others accountable for the way they treat you. While it's true most ghosters will leave you hanging, at the end of the day this isn't about them. It's about you growing and becoming better from the experience. Regardless of the stage of dating, you’re both going to make mistakes. Choose to learn from the experience and normalize creating safe spaces to share how you feel when uncomfortable moments arise. Normalize creating that safe space for others as well. It helps you learn if a future with this date can stand the test of time. And isn’t that what relationships are about? At the end of the day you have a choice to make. You can choose to leave the situation with more or less enlightenment.  No one likes to be told what to do and I find this to be especially true with men when it comes to dating. Blame it on their egos, call it childish, whatever you want. At the end of the day communicating your needs, wants, and desires are vital to the success of your relationships thriving and what’s more important isn’t just what you say, but also what you show. I’ve written a few blogs already covering ways you can show a man how to date you without ever saying a word. For this article, I want to focus on the art of showing and why it’s so important. Showing is an art because each of us has a unique way of how we’d like to be loved and how to communicate our desires. It’s also an art because sometimes our way of communication may not be very well understood on the receiving end so at times it may require some creativity to get your message across effectively. It’s so important to be able to show through consistent action and behavior what your standards are. It’s ideal if you do this from the very beginning so rather than struggling to even meet the standard, your partner would have already been made aware of what was required to even enter the door. Don’t put yourself through the stress and heartache of working backward. You show men how you are to be treated by how you treat yourself. If you want a man to send or bring you flowers each week, make sure you’re already doing that for yourself, and if anything he will show his affections for you by replacing that sign of affection you've developed for yourself. Do you want a man to take you out on nice dinner dates or for weekend getaways? How frequently are you doing that for yourself? Do you do it enough to know what nice restaurants you want to frequent and what’s on their menu? Or are you using the men you date as an excuse to finally make time to explore the options in your area? I would advise against the latter. I would advise you’re more attractive when you show men that you’re familiar with all the fancy places because this is your norm, not just a once in a blue moon occurrence. Not only does this show him how high the bar is raised in order for him to be granted your time, but it also communicates what’s expected going forward. He’ll know that if he puts on a front of taking you to all the nice places and thinks he can get away with falling back once he feels he’s “got” you that $h!t don’t fly. Not when you’ve shown him that this is your lifestyle and not just because you’re out on a date. You show men through the lifestyle you build and surround yourself with. Ideally, when you build such a lifestyle it’s also positioning you to attract men of similar lifestyles so you don’t have to worry about one who isn’t already up to the standard of living. Men are different from women. They can be broke or have it all and still have no real passion for living life until they meet the right woman to inspire that fire within them. They can be satisfied with just cruising through life, getting by with the basics. It’s us as women who add some spice and adventure to those dull lifestyles, otherwise, they’d mostly work, eat, sleep, and hand with their guy friends repeating the same old routine for the rest of their life. Everyone knows how easy it is to say one thing and do another. And it doesn’t help that a lot of men already write off what a woman says because many feel we don’t know what we want or we’re always saying one thing and doing another. That’s why it’s so important to already have a lifestyle of doing aka showing what you’re about so there’s no question about what your standards are and what’s expected for you to entertain. Learn to show, not just tell. SHOP THE GUIDES! Looking for affordable, inexpensive therapy? Look no further than starting your HIS lifestyle with one of my $27 guidebooks! There are a great start to uncovering your root issues (the why & how to understanding your behavior). If you find yourself unhappy, struggling in relationships, repeating toxic cycles, attracted to narcissistic individuals, the empathetic doormat who everyone depends on but no one is there for you, and so much more these guides will be the start of literally changing your life and/or deepening your self-healing/love journey! Here's to your Sexy! 💋 CURE BAD DATING, PEOPLE CHASING & PLEASING, LOW STANDARDS, & PREMATURE CUT OFFS WORKBOOK
$29.00
No more chasing people who don't appreciate you or trying to prove your worth to those who don't qualify. Learn how to have it all and not prematurely cut off your benefits! Take the next step in becoming your BEST self so you can start to experience happier, healthier relationships & live a fuller life! Download digital file. Due to digital nature of this content this purchase is non-refundable. Must download file within 30 days from purchase. CURE BREAKUP OBSESSION, TOXIC DATING, & DADDY ISSUES WORKBOOK
$29.00
No more obsessing over anyone who wasn't worthy of your love. Uproot the true source of your obsession to attract the higher quality love life you deserve! Take the next step in becoming your BEST self so you can start to experience happier, healthier relationships & live a fuller life! Download digital file. Due to digital nature of this content this purchase is non-refundable. Must download file within 30 days from purchase. |
RSS Feed
Copyrighted © Healing Is Sexy. All rights reserved.
Disclosure: This website and email notifications may contain affiliate links. If you use these links to make a purchase, I may earn a small commission. As always, I only recommend products that I truly love and would use myself.