What To Do If Your Spouse Is A Narcissist

Get out. Seriously. A narcissist will rarely be able to accept the fact that they are one and even then that’s not enough to change the behavior and stop them from keeping you miserable.

You can try to see if they may be interested in seeking help for their behavior, but again, most times they are not.

Here are signs you may be married to a narcissist.

- Every disagreement turns into an argument (or you have to shut down your voice and walk on eggshells to avoid a blowout). They always gaslight you (make you feel crazy for legitimately feeling the way you feel) and that everything is your fault. They don’t know how to accept responsibility for their part in anything so they deflect to you.

- They always make everything about themselves. How good of a person they are. How much of a bigger person they were for doing or not doing something. They are always painting themselves as the hero often at your expense.

- They don’t know how to control their anger. This is displayed in an outburst that may turn physical (punching a wall or table, hitting you). Afterward, they offer insincere apologies without any change in behavior. The cycle repeats.

- They are entitled so they lack (respecting your) boundaries. They treat you as if they are entitled to you being or doing things from them. A major warning sign is if they force a kiss on one of your first dates. This may seem “cute” in the moment, but it’s really a covet entitlement that will result in future outbursts of rage if you fail to comply.

- They need to control. They do this through manipulation. If you do or say anything they don’t like they will try to control how you behave through a number of means. Guilt-tripping, playing on your jealousy or insecurities. Physical and emotional abuse. Nothing is off-limits. If they aren’t in control of you then to them you are a threat to their happiness because you’re not programmed to behave the way they want.

- They don’t make any real effort to understand or care about your thoughts or feelings. They can’t empathize with you nor do they show any interest in doing so.

- They are constantly insecure, anxious, or in fear of something. They’ll cry crocodile tears if you hint at leaving them for their toxic habits and swear to change their ways. It may last for a few weeks, months even but before long you find yourself right back at square one.
 
There is no one size fits all, but if you’ve been experiencing any of these signs in your marriage to the point of it taking a toll on your mental, emotional, even spiritual, and physical well-being AND your voiced concerns have been met with resistance or sheer denial you should consider leaving.

Unless being in a miserable relationship the rest of your life is okay with you.

Get out.
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If you feel unsafe leaving any relationship, please search for local organizations that can help you safely get away from the situation. Especially if you’ve been isolated away from loved ones who care about you.

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