You cheated on your spouse and you’re looking to make amends. Here are the top 7 mistakes you want to avoid on your road to saving your marriage.
Not taking the time to reflect and better understand the root cause of your decision to cheat.
The decision to cheat on a spouse is usually a *symptom* of a bigger issue, and once you take time to examine the role you played in your decision you’ll realize your spouse wasn’t the real problem.
While your spouse may have aggravated an underlying trigger, you are still going to have to take the time to discover what that trigger was for you and where it originated from.
Only then will you be able to take corrective steps to avoid stepping out on your marriage again as an outlet.
Getting caught up in a reactive cycle. Cheating is usually a reaction to whatever issues you may have been experiencing in your relationship or personally.
When your spouse learned of your cheating, they reacted. You have to avoid reacting to their reaction in order to break the downward spiral cycle.
Instead, you want to be proactive about managing the high levels of emotional tension by *not *reacting. Replace reaction with time spent cooling down before engaging in further dialogue.
Either spouse having any sort of expectation that undermines trust. When a spouse cheats it destroys the security of trust in the marriage.
If the spouse who cheated expects their partner to “get over it” because they’re tired of dealing with the repercussions of not being trusted, then that’s an unrealistic expectation to try to manage your spouse’s emotions and the time they need to heal.
If the spouse who has been hurt places the prolonged expectation of their cheating spouse to allow them to track their phone or to monitor them like a child that also erodes building back the sense of trust in the relationship.
Thinking it's best to not do anything. You don’t know how to fix the problem or comfort your spouse, so you do nothing.
You figure if you leave well enough alone, they’ll come around in their own time. But giving your partner too much space will result in them feeling further abandoned.
During this phase, it’s important to learn how to provide your partner the security of your presence, even while you may need to keep a physical distance from them.
Not seeking help sooner. Too many couples wait until the damage done is well beyond possible repair.
The sooner you and your partner are open to having guided help in understanding and resolving the root issues in your marriage the higher your chances of making a successful recovery.
You’ll want to avoid making the matter worse by adding further insult to injury during this highly sensitive time.
Projecting your insecurities onto your partner. You cheated on them. Now you can’t shake the feeling of them following your lead and wanting to get even.
You start to erode the trust further in the marriage by using tricks or gimmicks to test their loyalty or when you try to control how long they are away from home or who they spend time with.
To your partner, it will just show you can’t take what you dish out which usually pushes them further away.
Sharing your business with the wrong people. Often times during emotional spells or when we don’t know what to do, we may seek counsel in our close circles.
But doing so can prove harmful to your marriage both during and after recovery. Unless you’re talking to a relationship expert or a trained professional, you’ll want to avoid playing games with your marriage.
Even once you may be able to repair the harm done you don’t want your close circle to repeatedly bring up the past. Sometimes we can move on, but our loved ones don’t.
You don’t want to further complicate matters when it’s time for family gathers on holiday because everyone knows your business and has an opinion on whether you should still be together.
The road to recovery will be long and with its share of challenges for both of you.
But it has been done before and the good news is all you need to be successful is the two of you working together.