Some of you may be familiar with the saying men and women seem to start on opposite ends of the spectrum. Women usually start off hot with a man they are into, going all in until they’re burnt out. While men tend to move slower and warm up to letting their guard down.
But by the time a man warms up to being the man/leader she’s been begging him to be for the longest, she’s already burnt out and he’s already taught her how to not need him because she was always felt alone in the relationship anyway.
A lot of men seem to have this complex where it takes “losing a good thing” to learn the value and appreciate it. Then you’re left trying to find those qualities or that woman in another woman and you’re stuck comparing anyone new to the way someone else did things that wasn’t appreciated.
To make matters worse, a lot of men never truly understand why they’re this way or never learn to appreciate a good woman. A lot of men don’t know how to do that, what it looks like, or what it even means.
A lot of men think women are desperate.
That she’d be so willing to abandon herself and choose being in a situationship with you over having her needs met in a relationship.
Unfortunately, there are a lot of women who are willing to abandon themselves just to say they “got a man” at home. Even if he’s not really all there.
A lot of men can’t handle when reality hits and when women say they would truly rather live and die alone, rather than continue to self-abandon herself for a man who doesn’t even know how to appreciate how much she cares about him.
Let’s talk about the reasons why a lot of men often don’t recognize what they have until it’s gone.
If you grew up in a household with emotionally unhealthy/toxic environments then you don’t know what safe love looks or feels like. It will feel foreign to you. It will scare you. You won’t trust it. You will fight it. Abuse it. Not value it. Until you’ve lost it and start comparing it to the lesser quality of “love” you encounter. You never had it and it shows because you don’t know how to value it.
You felt entitled. You believed that she was just supposed to always be your source of love, encouragement, positivity, and support. All of that one-sided. While you just did whatever you wanted to do. Barely reciprocating back to her the energy she was bringing. You made excuses “I never asked her to do all that for me.” And you fail to realize that when it’s good love you should never need to ask. But you still took what she freely gave, until she didn’t have any more to give because you weren’t filling her back up. When she grew bitter and lashed out you cluelessly fired back as if this “new attitude” or “new occurrence/change” in her wasn’t something that had been building up over the past few months or years.
Wake up cupcake. Get a reality check. The same way Rome wasn’t built in one day, neither are the problems that existed in any of your relationships. But somehow you found a way to make it all her fault that the relationship fell apart and didn’t work out.
Your dating strategy is called “too little, too late” aka doing the bare minimum. You can’t seem to know the house is on fire until it’s already near burnt to the ground. Whether you’re too busy exploring options, doing your thing, or overwhelmed with life. You miss all the clear warning bells and signals. You barely contributed to the relationship unless she was nagging or fussing about something and you fiiiiiinally started to call more. You fiiiiiiinally took her out on an actual date instead of just “hanging out”. You fiiiiiiiiiiinally got her the flowers she’d been asking for. You fiiiiiiiiiiiinally did SOMETHING that a man who said he wanted to be in a relationship with her would generally, naturally do. Then you wanted her to be happy with that once-in-a-blue-moon gesture and leave you alone for a while. You expected her to settle and be good without a consistent level of effort showing that you cared.
You don’t understand women or relationships. This is the result of lack of knowledge, entitlement, and poor role models. Social conditioning has made it easy for men to move about this way. You see it every time there’s a #metoo incident. You see it in the poor communication exchanges between men and women. You see it when men blame the women who are bad actors for why they treat ALL women poorly or the same way. If you’re set on moving though life not appreciating the value of a woman who is jumping through hoops to show she loves you and you can’t see it until she’s burnt out and moving on, you need to heal. You need to leave the good women alone and take care of what you got going on in-house first. Otherwise it doesn’t matter if you’re dating a toxic woman or a good woman. YOU are the one who won’t know how to deal and you’ll end up losing both because you’re toxic. Relationships always take two.
Any number of these will keep you stuck miserably single or miserably floating from one relationship to the next. Ready to break the cycle?
ALMA for men
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