Our Black community has suffered generational trauma, that unfortunately still remains prevalent in too many of our households to this day. There is no one size fits all scenario or solution. But our healing must begin and it starts with each of us becoming more aware of how our childhood is still showing up in our adult lives.
What Is Emotionally Unavailable Parenting (EUP)?
First, emotionally unavailable parenting means regardless of whether or not your parents were physically present in the home or in your life, you still didn't connect with them in a deep, meaningful way. This usually happens because our parents were too busy working multiple jobs, taking care of all our siblings, struggling with substance abuse, living too far away, or maybe didn't want to share any part of our lives so they physically abandoned us as well.
How & Why It Happens
As we already covered, emotionally unavailable parenting happens because our parents are caught up in their own lives and struggles. But it also happens like clockwork because that's how our society has largely conditioned us to operate. We aren't taught how to be actively present parents. We are taught to chase a bag and provide for our families, and we get praised for sacrificing valuable time we could spend at home bonding with our loved ones. We don't get the flexibility to go to our kids' games or school programs. Instead, we're asked to work later to meet the company's deadline or we choose to pick up overtime for more pay.
We've normalized sacrificing the time our children need to learn how to form healthy emotional connections. Often seemingly out of necessity and survival mode. But this is costing us big time in the long run as we continue to experience the cycle of broken homes and lives within our community.
We've got to break the cycle and right now the only way I see more of us winning is if we come together as a community to support and uplift one another, so we can all win. Both now and in our future generations.
Here are 3 quick steps to start repairing the damage done by your parent's emotionally unavailable parenting.
Healing isn't a band-aid you slap on and keep pushing yourself through life, ignoring the constant drama or hurt you're experiencing. Healing is taking a pause, getting real with yourself on what's wrong, and making a commitment to yourself to heal the damage. One of the biggest hurdles you will have to overcome is the fact you've been hurt by your parents when you were a defenseless child, with no other means of support. Whether or not your parents meant to scar you is often irrelevant if they still haven't healed their own scars and learned to better connect as a parent. Please consider purchasing a copy of my HIS guide HERE to start your healing journey.
#2 Cleanse Your Environments
Healing requires change. Like a caterpillar becoming a butterfly, you are literally transforming and evolving into a better you. Often that means the old circle of friends, and even family members will no longer serve you and may even be holding you back by throwing up your past life. Often during your healing process, it's best to go no-contact with your parents so you can fully process the extent of the damage done and once you're in a better position you can decide if you wish to re-establish some form of connection with them.
#3 Commit to Being A Parent to Your Inner Child
Become the parent you didn't have and needed when you were a child. Healing teaches you to stop looking to external sources that have failed you and to find your true source within. You were born with everything you needed to live a full, happy, and successful life already. You just need help unlocking it, especially if it's been buried beneath a lot of other people's trauma and conditioning.
Remember, not all parents are bad people, but not all parents who are good people are great at parenting either. A true sign of a good parent is that you would have learned how to be a good parent to your inner child, which is what we'll talk about in our next blog post!
Until next time, here's to your sexy!
SHOP THE GUIDE!
Looking for affordable, inexpensive therapy? Look no further than starting your HIS lifestyle with of my guidebook! This is a great start to uncovering your root issues (the why & how to understanding your behavior).
If you find yourself unhappy, struggling in relationships, repeating toxic cycles, attracted to narcissistic individuals, the empathetic doormat who everyone depends on but no one is there for you, and so much more these guides will be the start of literally changing your life and/or deepening your self-healing/love journey!
Here's to your Sexy! 💋
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