Are You Still Dating Scarred?
The HIS lifestyle is all about how you show up for yourself from the inside out. So what does dating have to do with that you may ask? Well, a lot actually. Because how you date reflects how you’ve been dating yourself.
Ask yourself this, “Have you been avoiding admitting any truths about yourself that you don’t like?” If the answer is yes, then on a date you will more often than not play down the truths of your flaws, because that is what you have been doing in your own life. Ask yourself, “Does what he/she did still bother you?”
Let’s say an ex cheated on you and you tell yourself you’re over it because it was long ago or you’re not together anymore. So on your date, you say “They cheated on me, but it’s a thing of the past and I’m ready to move on.” But the truth of the matter is that you haven’t gotten over it and this will eventually show up when you start projecting your insecurities onto the other person.
Dating and relationships have a tendency to bring the truth to light, whether you are ready to face them or not. It’s the next most intimate space many of us experience after the intimate space we should already have within ourselves and our level of self-awareness.
If you’re dating scarred or anxious about how the next person may hurt you like any of the previous ones I’d like to offer to you that it’s not the new date you should concern yourself with. It’s you. It’s you because you are the one carrying that inner scar from one relationship to the next and you will continually project your scars onto the next person until you make the time to heal your scar.
It is not the other person’s responsibility to heal your scar or to prove to you they aren’t there to inflict further harm. It’s your responsibility to heal your scars BEFORE inviting others into your intimate space and it’s also your responsibility to protect your heart from further scarring.
Too many people rush into relationships thinking that having a romantic interest will help fill their void of loneliness or feeling inadequate. But unless you’ve made time to address the roots of your trauma the relationship will only serve as a reminder that you still need to address them and worse it may even reinforce your pre-existing trauma bonds if the other person feeds into it because they are still suffering from their own traumas as well.
More of us need to prioritize our healing before seeking to embark on our romantic love lives and leaving a trail of darkness or trauma behind us. We get into romantic partnerships with the desire for them to last and to be loved for life, so when we enter them we must position ourselves for that by removing any obstacle that might take that away.
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HEALING IS SEXY: 5 ESSENTIALS TO START YOUR SELF-HEALING JOURNEY - FULL WORKBOOK
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