Daddy issues is a term that’s been largely associated with the issues an adult woman has interacting with men due to the lack of her primary caregiver, her father, modeling what a secure connection with men looks like. Let’s review some of the major warning signs that you may be suffering from daddy issues before we discuss what you can do to resolve them. 6 Major Warning Signs You Have Daddy Issues A major misconception is that if your father was consistently present at home then you shouldn’t ever have to worry about experiencing daddy issues. You may even be able to say he was a good enough dad who brought you presents, and you have several good memories together. But this isn’t true. Your father may have been physically present but abusive or emotionally unavailable. If your dad wasn’t intentional about providing you a well-rounded system of nurture and support you likely have underlying daddy to some extent. Without him serving as a good role model you will normalize red flags, make excuses for toxic partners, and give too many chances to the wrong people. Here’s how it’s going to show up in your adult relationships. 1 You’ll constantly find yourself attracted to emotionally unavailable men (the good stable men are boring) These men tend to be narcissistic as well, meaning they are incapable of relaying to others on an emotional level. This has become a familiar pattern for you because it represents the relationship you had with your father growing up. You were conditioned to not be so vulnerable with your emotions with your father for a number of reasons. Maybe you learned he was too busy to make time for you so you learned to handle matters yourself or he never really asked you how you felt or how was school. Maybe he wasn’t around enough. This shows up in the interactions you tend to have with men. You normalize not hearing from men you desire to have a connection with for long periods. You fear “bothering” them too much to the point where they may find you annoying and abandon you for being too clingy. Because you don’t feel you can rely on them much you also tend to keep most of your deeper feelings and thoughts to yourself. The few times you share something deep with them you may have been disappointed when their response was short or surface level. Again, you probably glossed over it because they’re “busy” and didn’t have time to go on a deeper level with you. The good men may not interest you because the stability they provide isn’t as attractive as the inner chaos you’ve been conditioned to normalize by your absently present father. Another thing, not only are the men you’re attracted to emotionally unavailable, but you may find yourself struggling in this area as well. You may avoid allowing yourself to feel or express emotions such as fear, anger, or sadness and only want others to see your happy and strong side. You fear showing signs of weakness and vulnerability, especially in your relationships. This may be why you convince yourself you’re okay with just having lots of sex instead of seeking an emotional connection with men. 2 You feel you have to prove yourself The few times your dad wasn’t busy with work and managed to show up at your games or school play, you felt the pressure to do your best to impress him. You finally had his attention and could show him how good you were at something to win his approval and admiration. This shows up in your love life when you approach with the mentality of showing men how good of a girlfriend of how much quality “wife material” you can be to become an asset in his life. That ex who broke his heart? I’ll be 100xs better so he forgets her. I’ll prove I’m the better woman to be with him and he’ll notice that I was the only right one for him all along. You go above and beyond to make things happen for the relationship and require little to no effort from him. You make excuses for why he isn’t as invested in the relationship. He’s too busy or tired from work to remember to call or get back to you. Months can go by without a legit date because he never finds the time. All of this is acceptable to you as an ideal relationship because your connection to your father has normalized this for you. You find yourself being the primary giver in the relationship: free nice gifts, dinner/cooking, trying sexual favors you may not necessarily be comfortable with, always being more supportive of his goals and dreams and even funding it. If you find yourself constantly giving more in a relationship and not requiring much in return, you are subconsciously trying to prove your worth to the other person in exchange for their attention and admiration. You’re downplaying your own needs while sacrificing more than your fair share. The flip side of this is that you also tend to make the hurtful things others do about you. If someone does or says something hurtful like ignoring you or saying you’re too needy or emotional, you internalize that as a challenge to do better or as a dig that you’re the one with an issue. You accept fault and may even apologize for the poor behavior displayed by others to appease them. This is a form of people-pleasing to get along and stay in their circle. Becoming easily attached too early and holding onto your dream of the “perfect fairytale” even when it’s clear the other person isn’t prepared to be in an emotionally healthy relationship are also signs you are trying to prove yourself to keep them. 3 You always have “bad luck” with men The reason you’re having bad luck on the dating scene is because you don’t know how to relate to men. Men think and operate differently and if you had a healthy example of this modeled for you during your childhood, navigating these dating streets would be easier. For one, your father-figure would have warned you about the wrong type of men and been super protective of you once you started dating. He would have made sure any young man taking you out knew to treat you respectfully and to always remain a gentleman otherwise he’d have him and the other men in your family to deal with. Your string of “bad luck” comes from not having any guidance or boundaries with men. Men will either take advantage of this or your daddy issues will cause you to overextend yourself as we just covered in the previous sign. To remedy this, you should seek to better understand men by signing up for my Decoding Men 101 Bootcamp. 4 You seek validation from men This is one surefire way to put your daddy issues on display for the world to see. Women who fall into this category tend to do almost anything for the approval of men because they still secretly pine for the approval of the father they never had growing up. This includes dressing proactively to get the attention of men. It doesn’t matter whether the attention is good or bad. Attention is attention and you get a high from it. If men aren’t ogling your body or seeking to get with you (even if just for a fling) you feel depressed and unseen. Your sense of self-esteem and worth is tied to the amount of attention you get from the number of men who like, comment, or give you any form of attention. You will often confuse sex for love and believe that getting a man to have sex with you means he’s in love with you. You use sex as a means to try to “hook” men and keep them interested in you. You tend to compare yourself to other women, especially a man’s exes and you need him to validate to you that “you’re better” than his past exes in every way. You need this type of validation constantly. You tend to idolize men and this only makes the pain you experience that much more hurtful when they disappoint you with their shortcomings. 5 You subconsciously don’t trust men on more levels than one (Superwoman/Mommy syndrome) You don’t feel men are dependable because your father never modeled that. You basically have to put on your superwoman cape and do everything otherwise it won’t get done. If you don’t call or text, you’d never hear from him. If you don’t suggest or plan the date, it never happens. If you don’t get something done or call to remind him same thing. You become his mother and treat him like a child, effectively not requiring him to “man up” because you’re already doing everything. You don’t trust him to move smart enough or to speak up for himself, so you become overprotective and do it for him, whether or not he asked you to get involved. This also reflects when you display jealousy or insecurities about him interacting with other women. If you’re not helicoptering or monitoring his every move you don’t trust him to be faithful to you. You have a constant “need” to know his every move otherwise you don’t feel you can truly trust him. This behavior may have been learned from your parents’ relationship if your dad cheated on your mother and it will no doubt sabotage every relationship you enter leaving you with what you fear most: abandonment. Relationships are based on trust and without it, it’s only a matter of time before the end. Because of your lack of trust, you may also tend to push men away or break up with them before they can break up with you, effectively never giving the relationship a chance to grow. This can also show up as a lack of boundaries on your part if you find it hard to say “no”. Instead of admitting your limits, you put on your cape to keep making things happen for someone who won’t learn how to appreciate you. Being superwomen and mommy means you are attracted to men who “need” you to fill that role so you feel needed and irreplaceable. But this just means you normalize love as being taken for granted and draining. You have yet to experience a consistent source of good love, so you settle on the toxicity believing a good, honest man is a rare find. 6 You’re constantly afraid of being abandoned or ignored He never gets back or hardly takes an initiative? When either of you gets upset and you’re not talking to each other so hours or maybe even weeks go by with no call? You either numb yourself and shrug it off saying “No big deal. I’mma keep it moving” and ignore the fact you had legit feelings to deal with and process. Or you blow up his phone, stalk his social media, and ask his friends where he’s at if you aren’t already physically stalking his house. All of this behavior comes from a place of fear of abandonment. You quickly move from one bad relationship to another, without allowing any time in between for you to process and heal from the last one. You often stay in toxic relationships longer than you know you should because you feel that having someone toxic and familiar is better than having no one at all and being alone. Can Men Have Daddy Issues? Absolutely. Women seem to get called out for it more because it’s more obvious when a woman clashes with a man in a relationship or marriage. But for men, who tend to be less vocal, we sometimes need to peel back the layers a little more to learn how the type of connection or example his father set has impacted how he has embraced manhood. It is not uncommon for a man who never knew his father during childhood but is able to meet with him later in life expressing surprise once he learns he followed closely in his father’s footsteps, in both good and bad ways. More men have to learn to express themselves emotionally so their sons and daughters can grow up with healthy models of forming secure attachments. Men exhibit their daddy issues by not feeling secure in their masculinity from having a poor or toxic role model. This is often displayed in an aggressive outburst of uncontrolled rage or other harmful manners where they seek to establish dominance in violent ways as a means to overcompensate for this insecurity. Men also experience the same signs as women, but again it may not be as obvious at first because they tend to be less vocal about their emotions. How To Heal Daddy Issues Daddy issues is another term used to describe attachment issues, more specifically an anxious attachment style. Anxious attachment means that you constantly fear being alone or abandoned. Regardless of whether you had a traumatic childhood or not, your brain codes your experiences as “normal” so you tend to seek and find attraction to even the toxic patterns of potential partners. Believe it or not, this is your brain’s way of trying to “fix” the broken relationship with your father through other men and giving you the love you missed out on as a child. To begin your healing process it’s important to first acknowledge the patterns of the signs so you are aware of your triggers and what to avoid doing. You will have to work on healing from your trauma to build up your emotional confidence and security in knowing that you alone are enough, without the need to be in a relationship and seek validation from others. Don’t allow yourself to get consumed by your past. You can only change the direction of your future using the present moment. Use the HIS guide I have in my store on healing daddy issues to get started. It is self-healing therapy in an easy to read and process guide that won’t break the bank. I will walk you step by step on how to start your healing process. You may also wish to consult a therapist after you’ve properly screened them to ensure they are the right fit for you and your unique needs. At the end of the day, each of us as individuals has to be willing to recognize something isn’t right in our relationships and do the work to stop re-traumatizing ourselves by allowing our childhood conditioning to guide us. Growing up without a good source of love from your biological parents will always be a hurtful process to overcome. The significance of our relationship with our fathers can’t be overstated when it comes to how it influences our behavior in adulthood. But the cycle can be broken and replaced with a better one for yourself and future generations. We can’t allow our pasts to continue to define our future, so if you’re noticed a pattern from your past relationships it’s time to take a hard look in the mirror. You may have normalized your experiences because it’s all you’ve ever known, but that’s why platforms like this are here to help give you a wake-up check so that you can stop limiting yourself and get the help you need to experience a happier, fuller life. Here’s to your Sexy! 💋 CURE BAD DATING, PEOPLE CHASING & PLEASING, LOW STANDARDS, & PREMATURE CUT OFFS WORKBOOK
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No more chasing people who don't appreciate you or trying to prove your worth to those who don't qualify. Learn how to have it all and not prematurely cut off your benefits! Take the next step in becoming your BEST self so you can start to experience happier, healthier relationships & live a fuller life! Download digital file. Due to digital nature of this content this purchase is non-refundable. Must download file within 30 days from purchase. CURE BREAKUP OBSESSION, TOXIC DATING, & DADDY ISSUES WORKBOOK
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No more obsessing over anyone who wasn't worthy of your love. Uproot the true source of your obsession to attract the higher quality love life you deserve! Take the next step in becoming your BEST self so you can start to experience happier, healthier relationships & live a fuller life! Download digital file. Due to digital nature of this content this purchase is non-refundable. Must download file within 30 days from purchase.
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One of our biggest quests is to find and do life with our soulmate. But this journey is often filled with a lot of wrong turns and enough uncertainty to reduce our optimistic hope down to jaded suspicion . Here is a list I compiled after doing my own research on the topic that I hope will help re-inspire you on your journey as it did for me. 1 You must become what you seek A truly amazing thing happens when you envision the right One for you and then put in the work to be that for yourself. For example, do you envision “The One” being someone who would buy you flowers just because or on your bad days? Then that’s exactly how you should be treating yourself. Surprisingly, most of us will just have a bad day and eat ice cream and stay depressed without doing something nice for ourselves to cheer us up. In order to attract someone who is (insert whatever quality you’re looking for), you must first already BE that thing. Because sure you may attract a few of the right people initially, but in order to stay in a relationship with the right person, you’re going to have to hold yourself accountable for being the right person to be will also. This is why this platform Healing Is Sexy (HIS) focuses primarily on helping more individuals become the best version of self first. You can start your journey by visiting the HIS store. When you truly start to embody and show up as the person you desire to have love you it means you move with confidence, you are no longer interested in qualities that are below your standard so you save yourself from more heartache. You’ll have an easier time attracting and recognizing when you’ve met The One because you’ll have been living exactly what that looks like for you. Knowing you are actively aware and working on your flaws also gives you the confidence and grace to be humble and forgiving. Instead of being overly judgmental of your future partner’s flaws you can accept your partner isn’t perfect and be more mindful of how your words and actions may be harmful to your partner. You’ll be creating an environment that’s safe for the two of you to make mistakes and quickly apologize which is important to the longevity of any relationship. 2 Stop entertaining what you don’t want The men and women who aren’t consistent, don’t take initiative to show you they are thoughtful or caring, or who constantly make you feel like you have to put in more work just to get a tenth of the same energy reciprocated back to you. It’s time to stop entertaining them because they are actually only reinforcing your negative perceptions and experiences with love. To attract the positive, high-quality love life you want with the right person you’re going to have to tell the universe what’s not going to make the cut with your actions. In this case, it means you stop entertaining the wrong people. No more waiting around for the call or text because they’re too busy. No more filling in the blanks for them because they don’t know how to bring up a meaningful conversation or suggest a date. No more investing in people who don’t treat your time with the same high regard you would theirs. It’s that simple, but we can make it harder when we try to “be nice” or avoid hurting others' feelings so we keep giving them the benefit of the doubt at our expense. Set your boundaries and stick to them. Two strikes are ample opportunity to decide on whether they are worthy of your time or if you just need to accept the behavior they are showing you as a sign of who they are and move on. 3 Make a list Not a list riddled with the superficial things you want like a certain height. This list should be a combination of the first two. Make a list of the “soft” qualities you are seeking in your romantic partner (which should also be the qualities you’re going to focus on manifesting in your own life) and also make a list of the things you will no longer entertain. If you’re struggling with where to start, you can look at the example your parents set (or didn’t) set for you. Make a list of the qualities good and bad you’ve experienced from your relationship with your mom and dad to better distinguish what is unique to you and your needs in a partner. If you’re someone who lacked a good mother or father role model it will definitely reflect in how you relate to the opposite sex and the needs you’ll require to feel secure in that relationship connection. Some examples of things to seek in a partner is emotionally available and secure, who takes initiative so you don’t feel like you’re the only one who cares about the relationship, and someone willing to learn and grow as an individual and for the sake of your relationship. An example of things to avoid are individuals who are stuck in survival mode and who aren’t in a position of thriving. Someone who operates in survival mode only has the capacity to think about themselves and even if they present themselves as ready for a relationship, they’re really only seeking “what’s in it for me” from you. In other words, they’ll end up leeching off of you even if that’s not their intent. You’ll want to write it down and get real clear about what your soulmate goals are. No more ambiguous fantasies that leave you open to “seeing where things go”. No Sir and no Ma’am. You’ve already created the blueprint of what you’re looking for so you’ll know when you see it in a potential partner. 4 Become just friends first This one may be controversial to many, but I favor it because when we focus on just becoming a couple and rushing into love then we tend to overlook a lot of things that we wouldn’t if we’d just slowed down and gotten to learn each other in a less pressured environment. Even if you were just dating for a year, oftentimes there will be underlying expectations once you’re looking at each other as a romantic interest. A better approach is to remove those tensions and expectations on someone who is still a stranger and allow yourselves to be your true selves. See if there’s a legit connection, instead of creating a pretense where either one of you is focused on keeping up a good impression that may not be an accurate representation of who you (or they) really are. This is why I prefer becoming friends first because it truly allows you to get to know each other for who you are without worrying about making a good impression every time you interact. It allows for a more natural connection. You’re really getting to know someone for who they are so when the time comes to transition to the next level, it flows more easily. You’ll also have an easier time communicating during conflict when you know someone better, than if you’re always worried about hurting them because you don’t know them well enough. Becoming just friends means that you stop rushing into relationships or approaching each new person already projecting the direction of where it’s going. And yes, the friendship approach nics the “where is this going” questions because remember there are no agendas to “go anywhere”. No agendas. No more expectations. Just focus on having a good time and getting to know each other. 5 Be more social You 100% won’t meet The One because they materialized out of thin air into your bat cave. And the truth is that no one, you include is going to be interested in building a relationship with someone who isn’t interested in being social for any reason. You don’t want to feel like you’re pulling teeth to get your partner to open up or have fun, so you can’t be the one who makes others feel the same way for too long, otherwise, they’ll move on or not take a relationship with you seriously. You have to be social and become confident in social settings. Even if you were to meet someone in a more private setting, eventually there are going to be social events that come with being in a relationship. It’s no fun if you or your partner is always going it alone because one of you hates being social. We get into relationships because we hope to find someone that we can spend our time doing fun, social things with. It really defeats the purpose of being in a relationship if you or your partner still feels like a single in social settings because your partner consistently opts out of the experience. 6 Mind your attitude & beliefs on love After kissing so many toads and experiencing how cruel people are it’s easy to become jaded and wear an invisible chip on your shoulder. Often we may forecast gloom and doom on our chances of love without even realizing it and be left wondering why it’s so hard for us to find love or open up once we do. The practice of maintaining a positive mentality when it comes to love and finding your soulmate is essential. Many people tend to set a harmful timeline or suspense on how long they are willing to wait for love to “find them”. But to be truly optimistic, you can’t sell yourself short. Love doesn’t have a timeline, and fate certainly tends to laugh in our faces. Instead, create positive affirmations to manifest the love you want into your life and to help you steer clear of seeking a “right now” situationship because you became impatient. Your singlehood should be spent learning and becoming the best version of yourself. Many people aren’t doing that sort of intense work, so naturally, as you elevate there will be fewer people at the top. I’m hoping to help change that through the HIS platform here. Be mindful of any negative thoughts you have about love or the opposite gender and get very intentional about removing them from your mental. Why? Because even though it’s true there are a lot of bad apples you’re not interested in being with one of those right? So that means you can’t allow the bad actors to have an influence on you meeting The One who will be nothing like them. Think about it. Chances are your special one has also encountered their share of relationship mishaps and you wouldn’t want them counting that against you, now would you? It’s important to drop any negative beliefs that aren’t supporting the love you want. Stop giving your energy to those thoughts altogether. Instead, focus on aligning yourself with more of the qualities you do want in your love life by becoming more of it and also surrounding yourself with more of it. Remember, just as important as becoming and surrounding yourself with the things you want is rejecting what doesn’t belong. 7 Let go Stop trying to control the details on how it goes down. You have no control over anything other than the decisions you make for yourself. You simply can’t know when you’ll meet The One. The only thing you can know and prepare for is whether or not you’re ready for when that moment occurs. Focus on being the best version of yourself and being a good human being to other good human beings. Allow the rest to fall into place naturally while enjoying your singlehood. That’s how the rest becomes history. Ready to start becoming your best self? Shop the guides below! CURE BAD DATING, PEOPLE CHASING & PLEASING, LOW STANDARDS, & PREMATURE CUT OFFS WORKBOOK
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No more chasing people who don't appreciate you or trying to prove your worth to those who don't qualify. Learn how to have it all and not prematurely cut off your benefits! Take the next step in becoming your BEST self so you can start to experience happier, healthier relationships & live a fuller life! Download digital file. Due to digital nature of this content this purchase is non-refundable. Must download file within 30 days from purchase. CURE BREAKUP OBSESSION, TOXIC DATING, & DADDY ISSUES WORKBOOK
$33.00
No more obsessing over anyone who wasn't worthy of your love. Uproot the true source of your obsession to attract the higher quality love life you deserve! Take the next step in becoming your BEST self so you can start to experience happier, healthier relationships & live a fuller life! Download digital file. Due to digital nature of this content this purchase is non-refundable. Must download file within 30 days from purchase.
So you're back out there and ready to meet a woman who is beautiful, fun, and into you! But you're not quite sure how to attract her and get her to date you.
Here's how you can increase your chances of experiencing successful dates with women and get her to want to date you! 1. As with everything I share on this blog, start with self. In order to get a woman you like to date you, you have to first like yourself and know your strengths and weaknesses. Any areas about yourself that you don't like or feel make you a less desirable candidate make sure you're doing what you can to improve your odds. If you feel having a better source of income, a more athletic body, changing your wardrobe, or the way you wear your hair will help boost your image and confidence, then invest in making that happen. The second part of knowing yourself is so you attract and date women who are best suited for you. 2. Be approachable and personable. Most men and women are shy when it comes to dating. So you becoming a man who is both inviting and easy to approach as well as easy to talk to goes a long way! One way to do both is to be interested in others. Don't use of focus too much on "Me" or "I" statements. Focus more on getting to know her by asking well-placed questions which will help her relax and feel more connected to you. 3. Take the initiative. Some things don't change and a woman being attracted to a man who knows when and how to take charge is one of those things. If you want a woman to consider you as her man, then you must come prepared to show her what that experience will look like. A woman is wired to search for safety, confidence, and reliability in the man she dates. If she doesn't feel she can trust your leadership and guidance you will fail to earn her faith in you as her man. Learning what to say and do in various scenarios will help you prove your leadership capabilities and win her respect so she looks forward to dating you. Be clear in your intentions so there is no confusion. 4. Keep becoming your best self. The reason this is so important is because you want to create a safe space for both you and her to be happy and experience a full life if you're hoping for a future together. Dating should be a continual process of you both getting to know each other, even once married! Dating should never stop. Any insecurities or trauma from your past holding you back should also be continually worked on so that you can free yourself from the chaos entering your relationships and focus more on enjoying love. You'll be setting a good example for you both to enjoy a fruitful relationship that can stand the test of time. Notice how all of these steps have nothing to do with women and everything to do with yourself. Mistakes To Avoid There are definitely some mistakes you want to avoid when asking a woman out. Here are a few to be mindful of so you don't risk ruining your chances. 1. Making assumptions. You really don't know what you don't know and making faulty assumptions is one fast way to kill your chances. Don't assume anything, especially in the beginning. Don't assume she's attracted to you as much as you are to her, that she prefers calls over text, that she's looking for something serious, and that she likes dinner dates. Just don't do it. The good news is that this allows ample opportunity for good conversations so you can learn more about her and what is more of the right move to make. A close cousin of making assumptions is having entitlements. Again, don't assume you're entitled to anything at any time from a woman you are dating. 2. Not taking lead at all or being controlling. You have to find the right balance on this one. As I said before, women (even us strong, independent women) need to know the man we're dating can take lead. But taking lead does not mean being controlling and dictating everything. Think of what it means to be a good leader. A good leader is one who is actually serving those under his leadership. That means he is making the effort to better understand and take care of his followers and not trying to force his way onto others. When you fail to take the lead, especially in the early stages of dating you allow uncertainty to seep in and she will not rely on you to have answers or for guidance in the relationship. 3. Not knowing yourself and what you want. When you lack confidence and you don't know what you want it is grounds for inviting chaos and heartache. This is why before dating it's important to know yourself and the type of woman you hope to attract so that you can be successful in attracting more of the women you're interested in. You don't want to waste your time dating the wrong type of woman for you. You save time, money, and energy when you make sure your foundation of self and what you seek are in order first. Knowing yourself and establishing that confidence will save you from trying too hard or allowing an insecure woman to play games with your heart. What Women Want In A Man She's Dating So, what do we women look for in a man we're dating? Of course, the answer will vary, but generally, there are a few things most of us have in common. We are first looking for physical attraction. We want to be turned on by how hot you are just as much as that concept works for you. We want to get turned on when we think about how cute or hot we think you are. Every woman will have her idea of what's hot or not, same as every man has his own ideas. It's subjective so all we each can be is focused on becoming our best selves. After a physical attraction has been established we start to look for an emotional connection. Are you the type of man we feel comfortable with? Do we feel heard, seen, and cared for? Do we feel valued and loved? Do we feel understood? Finally, one other thing we consider is if a partnership with you can stand the test of time and what does that look like. Yes, you're attractive and we even have great chemistry together, but are we able to work out our differences in a civil manner without tearing each other down? Are our values in alignment or are we to different people who may be better off as friends? Those are just some of the things women are looking for in the men we date. Check out other articles for Men to keep learning! Interested in having me mentor you more on all things love, dating/relationships, and women? Sign up for my A Lady’s Man Academy dating course to be the first to know when registration opens. While it’s true you are already your own star, today’s blog isn’t about being a star in your own universe…. Well, not exactly. I’m talking about walking the walk and talking the talk. After all, a celebrity isn’t a celebrity solely because they are the star of their own world. They’re famous or adored because others have taken notice and started taking notes. When you become a celebrity others in your life will start to take notice and you may notice you’re having a “celebrity effect” on them. Even strangers will take note, reaching out to you. So how do you achieve the same celebrity effect without necessarily being a famous actor or musician? For starters, you have to be in tune with your authentic self. You have to stop tampering down your true self and molding yourself into the “safe” version society may have groomed you for. Those crazy or “not secure” aspirations you have to do things no one in your circle has seen done before? Be true to that and learn productive ways to pursue those dreams. That’s moving and aligning with who you are so that you’re prepared for…. Consistency. Being known for anything requires consistency. Even if you were a one-hit-wonder, during that frame of time whatever you became known for had to have stuck around long enough to catch on with the masses to spread. Unfortunately, society conditions many of us to consistently deny ourselves our truest desires or living the lifestyles we want with the empty promises of “somedays”. But your happiness and living the life you want aren’t what’s important if you follow that path. It’s not even guaranteed! Instead of being consistent in pursuit of someday living the life you want, I want you to become consistent in living the life you want, today, right now, and building on that for the remainder of your lifetime. Think about it. If you were to spend your lifetime building and living the life you desire for yourself starting today with a lifetime to go your happiness is guaranteed and you won’t have to worry about the regrets of “someday” never happening because you ensured it did on your terms. With consistency, you also become known for at least one thing. Your thing. Whatever that is. It can be as simple as being known as the man or woman who “does it all” or who is living their best life. Like a celebrity, your lifestyle may become idolized by those still stuck in their 9-5 mentalities, envying that you somehow always find time to go on nice trips or to show up so put together. The only difference between you and them is that you made the switch. You don’t allow outside factors to dictate or limit how and what you accomplish in your life, you flip the script and work with what you have to tell your life how it’s going to be. That’s what celebrities do. A final word of caution. Being a celebrity does not mean chasing after the Kardashians or being flashy. I believe I read somewhere, there are close to 800 billionaires. How many of them can you name? Exactly. But they’re still living the good life and are a celebrity in their own right. Being known as a celebrity is really just a by-product of the decisions you make on how you decide to live your lifestyle. So don’t make the mistake of putting the cart before the horse. Don’t fall for the hype where media tries to fool you into losing focus on how much you spend on designer anything, or how many chains you wear. Being a celebrity will always start from the inside out. Yes, be your own star in your universe. But why settle for just your universe when the whole world is waiting to be your playground? SHOP THE GUIDES! Looking for affordable, inexpensive therapy? Look no further than starting your HIS lifestyle with one of my $27 guidebooks! There are a great start to uncovering your root issues (the why & how to understanding your behavior). If you find yourself unhappy, struggling in relationships, repeating toxic cycles, attracted to narcissistic individuals, the empathetic doormat who everyone depends on but no one is there for you, and so much more these guides will be the start of literally changing your life and/or deepening your self-healing/love journey! Here's to your Sexy! 💋 CURE BAD DATING, PEOPLE CHASING & PLEASING, LOW STANDARDS, & PREMATURE CUT OFFS WORKBOOK
$33.00
No more chasing people who don't appreciate you or trying to prove your worth to those who don't qualify. Learn how to have it all and not prematurely cut off your benefits! Take the next step in becoming your BEST self so you can start to experience happier, healthier relationships & live a fuller life! Download digital file. Due to digital nature of this content this purchase is non-refundable. Must download file within 30 days from purchase. CURE BREAKUP OBSESSION, TOXIC DATING, & DADDY ISSUES WORKBOOK
$33.00
No more obsessing over anyone who wasn't worthy of your love. Uproot the true source of your obsession to attract the higher quality love life you deserve! Take the next step in becoming your BEST self so you can start to experience happier, healthier relationships & live a fuller life! Download digital file. Due to digital nature of this content this purchase is non-refundable. Must download file within 30 days from purchase. Fabulous news! Your paycheck doesn’t prevent you from having the lifestyle you want! If anything you just have to get more creative with how you spend it or how you increase it! But either way, the fact remains that your paycheck isn’t what’s holding you back from having the nice home, wearing the nice clothes, or being invited to fancy soirees. It’s your mindset. Your mindset is really the only thing that can keep you from achieving any of the things you say you want to do. Especially in this day and age with social media pretty much allowing any sole individual to build their stage and a following without having to invest a penny. Your mindset has either been propelling your forward towards your goals or hampering your progress. Take a few minutes to evaluate your mental with regards to your current state of life and the future of what you hope for. Ask yourself, “Am I happy with where I’m at in life now?” “Do I feel that achieving the life I really want is doable? Or do I feel it’s too farfetched?” Take note of the feeling in your gut. Did you feel optimistic hope arising? Or was it more a feeling of dread in the pit of your stomach? Don’t be too hard on yourself if it’s the latter because so much of our environment and upbringing for many of us was filled with parents, teachers, or well-wishers looking out for ‘our best interests” when they told us to fall in line and play it safe. In reality, they were just parroting what they’d been told and programmed to do. Stay safe. Blend in. Don’t go too far out of line. It’s a debilitating mentality to adopt and what they don’t often share with you are the regrets they have from following the same advice they gave you. Some of them may not have even thought far enough to the things they’d have liked to do because they just shut it all off from an early age and never even gave themselves room to try. I believe our generation and the ones rising up will be different. We have to be. Now more than ever, it’s become evident that you can create your own multiple streams of income and create your own job security without worrying about an employer firing you on a whim. Everyone isn’t an entrepreneur, so if working for an employer fits in your lifestyle and allows you to accomplish the life you want for yourself then by all means work the 9-5. But don’t let it work you! It doesn’t matter how much you bring in, it’s what you do with it. Because you can have all the money in the world and still be miserable. You may need to spend a season learning how to multiply those dollar bills. You may need to learn to make better spending decisions or investments. Each of those processes starts with your mental and consistent, conscious efforts to build towards your end game every single day. Remember, it’s a process so it’s okay to have moments where you may slip and to take a step back. Dust off and re-engage. Over time your consistent mentality and actions will bring you the results of living the dream lifestyle you want and you'll master the art of telling your money where to go, instead of the other way around! SHOP THE GUIDES! Looking for affordable, inexpensive therapy? Look no further than starting your HIS lifestyle with one of my $27 guidebooks! There are a great start to uncovering your root issues (the why & how to understanding your behavior). If you find yourself unhappy, struggling in relationships, repeating toxic cycles, attracted to narcissistic individuals, the empathetic doormat who everyone depends on but no one is there for you, and so much more these guides will be the start of literally changing your life and/or deepening your self-healing/love journey! Here's to your Sexy! 💋 CURE BAD DATING, PEOPLE CHASING & PLEASING, LOW STANDARDS, & PREMATURE CUT OFFS WORKBOOK
$33.00
No more chasing people who don't appreciate you or trying to prove your worth to those who don't qualify. Learn how to have it all and not prematurely cut off your benefits! Take the next step in becoming your BEST self so you can start to experience happier, healthier relationships & live a fuller life! Download digital file. Due to digital nature of this content this purchase is non-refundable. Must download file within 30 days from purchase. CURE BREAKUP OBSESSION, TOXIC DATING, & DADDY ISSUES WORKBOOK
$33.00
No more obsessing over anyone who wasn't worthy of your love. Uproot the true source of your obsession to attract the higher quality love life you deserve! Take the next step in becoming your BEST self so you can start to experience happier, healthier relationships & live a fuller life! Download digital file. Due to digital nature of this content this purchase is non-refundable. Must download file within 30 days from purchase. Intimacy begins long before the bedroom.
If your hope is to sustain a more than satisfying sex life here are a few fun ways to keep the spark in the bedroom (or wherever it’s going down) fully charged. 1 Make practicing emotional intimacy the norm. Your partner will feel more drawn to you and desire to find ways to “return the favor” when you show consideration for how they may be feeling. Check-in on them randomly throughout the day with “Just thinking about you Beautiful/Handsome.. How is your day going?” Pay attention to their mood and if they’ve had a long or bad day go out of your way to comfort them. Showing you care is a surefire turn on. 2 Foreplay doesn’t always need to happen right before the clothes come off. Make foreplay a 24/7 habit by being flirty throughout the day. Sending your lady flowers and love notes doesn’t get old. Telling your man how sexy you think he is or how you like when he does something that turns you on, never gets old. Small, nice gifts or surprises do wonders. When it comes to touch, incorporate playfulness whenever you can. Random bear hugs, kisses, or booty grabs are a good recipe to follow. 3 Never stop dating. I recommend making date night the norm at least once bi-weekly. Intimacy is about sharing yourself and learning your partner on all levels to include emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. It’s not just about the physical. There should always be something new to learn about your partner as you both grow. Dating is the opportunity to routinely check in, make sure you didn’t miss anything, and to fall in love all over again as you watch each other evolve. 4 Planning a fun weekend getaway is not only about making a temporary escape. Just the planning alone with your partner can go a long way to showing up for your relationship. When you are intentional about the future of the relationship by making plans it’s a turn on because it shows you are invested in building towards the future together with a purpose. How can this weekend be anything but intimate (on all levels) when you have a partner who plans baecations like that? 5 Be big kids! Seriously! We are all big kids at heart and letting your inner child out to play is where the fun is at! You’ll be more playful and flirty, which means more laughing and intimacy. Spontaneous pillow fights? Playing silly games or food fights? A playful shove or caveman move to throw your woman over your shoulder? Cuddling or making out like high school sweethearts? Yes, please! Who doesn’t want to feel young, in love again? 6 Find a balance between doing more things together and having time apart. It’s easy to get lost in the chaos of life or starting a family. You both may have become set in your “roles”. But it’s important to make time to do things together as just the two of you. It can be dinner, going for a walk or the gym, or riding bikes. There should be an activity or two that you do as a couple. But just as important is allowing your partner the space to be an individual. Allowing each other the space to feel safe doing the things you each enjoy will ensure that you both continue to show up as your best, most authentic selves for the relationship when you are back together in the same space. You cheated on your spouse and you’re looking to make amends. Here are the top 7 mistakes you want to avoid on your road to saving your marriage.
Mistake #1: Not taking the time to reflect and better understand the root cause of your decision to cheat. The decision to cheat on a spouse is usually a *symptom* of a bigger issue, and once you take time to examine the role you played in your decision you’ll realize your spouse wasn’t the real problem. While your spouse may have aggravated an underlying trigger, you are still going to have to take the time to discover what that trigger was for you and where it originated from. Only then will you be able to take corrective steps to avoid stepping out on your marriage again as an outlet. Mistake #2: Getting caught up in a reactive cycle. Cheating is usually a reaction to whatever issues you may have been experiencing in your relationship or personally. When your spouse learned of your cheating, they reacted. You have to avoid reacting to their reaction in order to break the downward spiral cycle. Instead, you want to be proactive about managing the high levels of emotional tension by *not *reacting. Replace reaction with time spent cooling down before engaging in further dialogue. Mistake #3: Either spouse having any sort of expectation that undermines trust. When a spouse cheats it destroys the security of trust in the marriage. If the spouse who cheated expects their partner to “get over it” because they’re tired of dealing with the repercussions of not being trusted, then that’s an unrealistic expectation to try to manage your spouse’s emotions and the time they need to heal. If the spouse who has been hurt places the prolonged expectation of their cheating spouse to allow them to track their phone or to monitor them like a child that also erodes building back the sense of trust in the relationship. Mistake #4: Thinking it's best to not do anything. You don’t know how to fix the problem or comfort your spouse, so you do nothing. You figure if you leave well enough alone, they’ll come around in their own time. But giving your partner too much space will result in them feeling further abandoned. During this phase, it’s important to learn how to provide your partner the security of your presence, even while you may need to keep a physical distance from them. Mistake #5: Not seeking help sooner. Too many couples wait until the damage done is well beyond possible repair. The sooner you and your partner are open to having guided help in understanding and resolving the root issues in your marriage the higher your chances of making a successful recovery. You’ll want to avoid making the matter worse by adding further insult to injury during this highly sensitive time. Mistake #6: Projecting your insecurities onto your partner. You cheated on them. Now you can’t shake the feeling of them following your lead and wanting to get even. You start to erode the trust further in the marriage by using tricks or gimmicks to test their loyalty or when you try to control how long they are away from home or who they spend time with. To your partner, it will just show you can’t take what you dish out which usually pushes them further away. Mistake #7: Sharing your business with the wrong people. Often times during emotional spells or when we don’t know what to do, we may seek counsel in our close circles. But doing so can prove harmful to your marriage both during and after recovery. Unless you’re talking to a relationship expert or a trained professional, you’ll want to avoid playing games with your marriage. Even once you may be able to repair the harm done you don’t want your close circle to repeatedly bring up the past. Sometimes we can move on, but our loved ones don’t. You don’t want to further complicate matters when it’s time for family gathers on holiday because everyone knows your business and has an opinion on whether you should still be together. The road to recovery will be long and with its share of challenges for both of you. But it has been done before and the good news is all you need to be successful is the two of you working together.
Most men struggle with talking to women or knowing how to deal with emotional stress well.
This leaves them prone to the influence of bad dating advice from other men and shutting down, rather than communicating to you. When a guy you’re dating pulls away, I suggest you reach out to him. First, make sure he’s okay. If you learn nothing is amiss or hear crickets, get real about understanding the situation while speaking up for yourself respectfully. Only do it once and be prepared to leave it alone afterwards. Be thankful you've learned he's not one to rely on sooner vs. later. Whether he has the decency to own his actions or not the experience will be a deposit towards your self-esteem when you hold others accountable for the way they treat you. While it's true most ghosters will leave you hanging, at the end of the day this isn't about them. It's about you growing and becoming better from the experience. Regardless of the stage of dating, you’re both going to make mistakes. Choose to learn from the experience and normalize creating safe spaces to share how you feel when uncomfortable moments arise. Normalize creating that safe space for others as well. It helps you learn if a future with this date can stand the test of time. And isn’t that what relationships are about? At the end of the day you have a choice to make. You can choose to leave the situation with more or less enlightenment.
Can you imagine what type of leaders our anger and insecurities can make us?
Toxic leaders such as Adolf Hitler, Joseph Stalin, Genghis Khan, King Leopold II, Mao Zedong, and Idi Amin are examples of what happened. Google them and you will see nothing but death follows and only pain and suffering have been their legacies. Is that the kind of legacy you want to leave? Is that even the kind of life you want to live? Being hated and feared by those closest to you? Never able to trust anyone? Always needing to look over your shoulder for fear of when someone is going to retaliate? That’s a stressful way to live life on a daily basis and it’s not good for any human being, especially when you add having so much power to the mix as those toxic leaders had. When it comes to men and dating your leadership (or lack thereof) becomes evident right away. If you have unresolved anger, trauma, and insecurities they will no doubt dictate the type of leader you become. Your first instinct will always be self-preservation, even in a relationship setting where putting another’s best interest before your own is required. You will not be capable of truly loving another because you haven’t loved yourself enough first to heal what ails you. You will always believe the other person is out to hurt you because of the walls your trauma has built up. Don’t fool yourself and think that you can let someone in and everything will work out fine. It is only a matter of time before an issue arises where your insecurities will trigger you to react in a way that spells the end of a healthy relationship. And the cycle will continue. The truth is there is no room in a healthy, happy relationship for unresolved trauma. Men who hope to become good leaders and leave behind a legacy worth honoring need to make their healing a priority. You can visit my HIS store to purchase the healing guide that best suits your situation to start your healing journey. Don’t waste another hour leaving your anger or trauma-related issues unaddressed. Only you can do the work to change it and save your relationships from repeatedly ending in disaster. Interested in having me mentor you more on all things love, dating/relationships, and women? Sign up for my A Lady’s Man Academy dating course to be the first to know when registration opens.
It seems men are still struggling to adjust to the changes within our society that have allowed women to become protectors and providers for themselves.
Many men would argue that this makes them feel useless. If they don’t feel needed or desired in a relationship, then what’s the point? While it’s true most men have an innate need to protect, provide, and be not only needed but desired by their women, I want to suggest to you that those attributes are not the only valuable qualities men bring to the table. It is very possible for a man to not be the sole provider or protector of his family and still be highly sought after and desired. Here’s how to lead women in today’s society no matter what your status is in life. 1. You MUST Possess Exceptional Character No woman who understands the true quality of character or healthy relationships is going to ask her man to be perfect. We understand you are human. We welcome your emotional vulnerability and the moments where you may shed a few tears. Unfortunately, too many men are leading with everything but good character. They’ve brought into the faulty image of materialistic women who only care about how much money they have in their wallets or the fancy cars they’re driving. It goes without saying that if you lead with materialistic things, you’re going to attract a materialistic woman. One who isn’t going to love you for who you are, nor would she be interested in doing so. But it is your responsibility to make sure you attract the type of woman you’re seeking. You do this by being mindful of how you start your interactions with women. 2. You MUST Prioritize Your Healing Journey So many men have been traumatized and our society has only conditioned you to bury your trauma deeper. To seek help means exposing a vulnerable weakness or it’s too expensive. But one of the biggest reasons for unhealthy, toxic relationships is insecure men. Men who allow their anger and inability to process emotions tear the relationship apart because they haven't dealt with their trauma. An exceptional leader can’t expect to keep his house in order if he hasn’t already taken care of his own inner house. Make becoming your best self your priority. If you are carrying pent-up anger or trauma do the work to start healing from that now. Otherwise, it will show up in your relationships and keep you and your partner constantly at odds. 3. Seek to Constantly Become Better At Relationships Too many men are in love with the idea of being in love, but once they score the woman of their dreams they end up losing her because they didn’t know what to do to maintain the relationship. Real leaders plan for success and move in a manner that ensures it continues. They have a vision and they know it takes consistent investment into that vision to see it flourish. If you only see two feet in front of you you’re going to hit a brick wall. Every time. And not know what to do. You’ll react, instead of having a plan of action that shows you’re a leader capable of leading your partner and family. The only way you can move from being reactive to proactive is if you study relationships and seek to become better at navigating them. You must become a student of love, relationships, and women. If you do these 3 things you will be well on your way to experiencing more success and happiness in your love life with women! Interested in having me mentor you more on all things love, dating/relationships, and women? Sign up for my A Lady’s Man Academy dating course to be the first to know when registration opens. |
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